Members of the Beautiful Nose Association

Members of the Beautiful Nose Association were not sniffers and snorters. No, members mainly consisted of nose models. Nose models are in high demand by

Hammacher Schlemmer, fine retailer of the world's highest rated nose hair clippers. Beautiful nose models are a must because sex sells, even for nose hair clippers. So why did the

clipper business plummet? As you can see by this slide, with the rise of hipsters in the Bronx. Nose hair became a fashion trend. We at Hammacher Schlemmer, must find ways to

enhance the social experience of our customers while increasing the velocity of gratitude as expressed through money. We partnered with Folliceuticals, Inc. to deliver Nostri-Prime

to a more voluminous customer base. We were also approached by Fast Buccinator, LLC, Epic-lottis, Inc. and Purkinje Fiber Cereal to create the world's biggest

turds. These megaturds were fed into Turdomatic factories which harvested the methane trapped within - a sustainable source of energy. We'd struck brown gold! We went out & bought

a plot of land and established a free range monster dodo doo doo farm. The giant chicken herds

clucked loudly and pecked so hard at the ground that the hen house shook for hours. The owners considered branching out: raising huge heifers, mighty mice, gargantuan goats

colossal cattle, leviathan llamas, ginormous geese and titanic turkeys, but in the end they decided to specialize in the humongous hens. Word soon traveled to Con-Agra