Saliva pooled under his feet as he stared

Saliva pooled under his feet as he stared longingly at the chihuahua. She was a real beaut - bug-eyed, just the way he liked 'em, and shivering so violently that her entire body

then it went on the beach

and guess who had to clean up after it? That's right. Yours truly. They don't pay me enough for this job.

I threw down my bucket and mop and walked out right there and then.I had other skills they didn't know about. For one thing,I was an accomplished armpit musician. Why, I could play

all six verses of Amazing Grace out of my pits, a rousing rendition of Little Drummer Boy on my belly, and once got a silent standing O for my Sweet Child O' Mine air guitar.

That was the best summer of life. For a time, I was a King, I rode glory like winged Pegasus. The light turns green, I park in front of the Quizno's. I make sure my name tag

is name-tagging like name tags are wont to do. The Quizno's is odd in that it seems to be very small but turns out actually to be very small as well. 3 of my kingly strides take me

right up to the counter. The Quizno's clerk gasped at my kingly robe, rings and crown. "Your majesty? How may I help you?" "Grovelling will help, please bow and take that name tag

off." I said. "..and put it in my sandwich." I like women how I like my sandwiches: plastic and in my mouth. After the ipecac vomit session, I called the midget minions for a ride.