Saliva pooled under his feet as he stared

Saliva pooled under his feet as he stared longingly at the chihuahua. She was a real beaut - bug-eyed, just the way he liked 'em, and shivering so violently that her entire body

could not have produced a turd that large. Even a Great Dane would have difficulty pushing out one as big as that. His beautiful chihuahua would make a wonderful

then it went on the beach

and guess who had to clean up after it? That's right. Yours truly. They don't pay me enough for this job.

I threw down my bucket and mop and walked out right there and then.I had other skills they didn't know about. For one thing,I was an accomplished armpit musician. Why, I could play

all six verses of Amazing Grace out of my pits, a rousing rendition of Little Drummer Boy on my belly, and once got a silent standing O for my Sweet Child O' Mine air guitar.

That was the best summer of life. For a time, I was a King, I rode glory like winged Pegasus. The light turns green, I park in front of the Quizno's. I make sure my name tag

right up to the counter. The Quizno's clerk gasped at my kingly robe, rings and crown. "Your majesty? How may I help you?" "Grovelling will help, please bow and take that name tag

off." I said. "..and put it in my sandwich." I like women how I like my sandwiches: plastic and in my mouth. After the ipecac vomit session, I called the midget minions for a ride.