I keep wanting to get offline and sleep,

Help was offered by logic: "StumbleUpon is all repeats, Reddit locks old posts to prevent voting, and search engines are very unreliable now that everything's gone commercial."

Upon hearing this, I came to the conclusion that there was no longer anything worth living on this planet for. Using my device, I opened up a dimensional void and stepped through.

I stepped into a brightly-lit, colorful land full of large mushrooms, some of which were walking toward me. Green pipes dotted the hills, and cubes of brick floated in the air.

One mushroom with a menacing brow approached me. Unsure what to do, I jumped in the air and came down on his head. He vanished! I'd accidentally bumped my head on a floating brick,

and a giant coin crashed into the ground and magically deposited into a bank account over my head. I also learned I a had brother, Luigi. The gigantic green pipe was too much for

me to afford now, what with Luigi movin' in with me and all, but I'm gonna keep savin' all my coins until I can get it. Luigi nodded enthusiastically. He liked big green pipes too

Soon I found that I had 120 coins. How I got these coins... oh I could never tell Luigi. I feared he would be upset.. after all I

was Princess Peach and deserved to spend it all on bling. Diamonds are a girls best friend.

Unless the girl has an allergy to diamonds, which Princess Peach was. I've never seen someone die so painfully...