And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment

And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, the highlight of the evening. I give you your contenders for Woman of the Century. First off we have

Mother Teresa (applause). Over in the other corner we have Ru Paul (thunderous applause). Let the Woman of the Century wrestling match begin! The crowd went wild as Mother Teresa

threw a sideways fallaway slam on RuPaul right out the gate. Blood poured out of RuPaul's ears. Mother Theresa climbed the turnbuckle, the Woman of the Century wrestling match

spontaneously broke out on cue and the brakes fell off of the lead car. Luckily Mother Theresa's lingerie had been a gift from M5 and as such was equipped with suppressing fire.

That's when the theme music started. "Secret Agent Priest / running from the Mexican police / with the Pirate Nun / they're always on the run." Mother Theresa cackled at the poor

cadence of the verse and slapped the composer's wrists with a wooden yardstick. But "Secret Agent Priest and Pirate Nun became a hit TV show because the general public does not

upon the clergy, identifying that someone had a dirty secret, someone went against the vows those buccaneers made to the Good Lord, beckoning both St. Erasmus and St. Nicholas to

drop their proverbial drawers and expose their disease to the Bishop of Dirty Secrets, the Vicar of Indecent Ambiguities, the Supreme Pontiff of Unscrupulous Gloominess, Al Pacino.

A flourish of trumpets sounded as a red carpet rolled out. A girl threw rose petals before Al Pacino as he entered. Pacino, thinking it was 1975, chanted: “Attica! Attica! Attica!"