One day, I was running on the beach and fell

One day, I was running on the beach and fell into a huge hole.

I got sand all in my eyes and hair, it hurt so bad!

I started to cry and run to the water. That was a bad idea because the salt made my eyes hurt worse!

My only choice was to start mining the salt. Thankfully, the market for pink rock salt had grown since I first invested in Salty & Faulty Inc. I soon had enough cash to have my eye

lengthened and then sharpened. I aspired to be a vampire. There was only one problem. The sight of blood made me faint.

Perhaps I could just drink lymph instead, though I think I'd have a real tough time trying to tap into someone's lymphatic system without mixing blood in with it. Damn, this was

As an accidental tourist, I lived like my pet peregrine falcon, Duncan. He had known Lady Macbeth and unsuccessfully tried to remove that damn spot. He quit as her servant before

she killed herself and moved on to work as a carrier pigeon for the postal service which, as a peregrine falcon, was somewhat demeaning for Duncan. Still, it was better than

being Head Quahog on an asteroid that no-one had ever heard of, and there was a pension plan. This worked out pretty well for Duncan until drones were invented. After that, pffft.