It is possible to steal an infant from the

It is possible to steal an infant from the hospital, if you do it just right. You do not even need to use a disguise, if you simply

speak Icelandic, walk quickly and have someone posing as your husband take pictures as you go. If the little fucker starts crying, take that small vial of chloroform and

and suck it down. It makes for a pretty solid experience, especially if you're in Iceland or some other

Godforsaken craphole. But the lack of fresh water didn't seem to bother us, because

we preferred the taste of our own urine. The only downside was that we were on an all-asparagus diet. The smell was known to choke a donkey. Which is why

the Peruvian citizenship test was cancelled. No one wanted us killing the donkeys with the stench of our bodies. Instead, we

dance about with ketchup on our faces. The abundance of food here is

There was a trend of going to somewhere we'd never seen before - like Venice or Amsterdam - and painting a parody of a famous painting created by

Oprah Winfrey. You know the one I'm talking about. All black velvet and classy, not one of those by-the-numbers deals, either. That said, the trend was set and there was no turning