9 Folds
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I glued the felt scraps to my nipples, wrapped the plastic wrap around my face, and hopped on the bus to Chi-town. I met the love of my life that night... but that's another story. -
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the texture of his hair. Silky, but with just a touch of grit that made me think he'd rubbed his noggin in the catbox or sandbox or some box or other. He'd been stealing credit
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he midnight train to Georgetown. I know that's not how the song goes, but my detective creds were from a mail order University so what do you want? The body was stiff when I
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"We'll be killed by the Cheese Killer if you don't hurry!" The mouse whined. Pages turned with a crazy grin. "Haven't you figured it out by now? I AM the Cheese Killer!" FIN
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the knowledge necessary to process beef bits (including lips, lashes, and nostrils) into the tasty ambrosia known as McRib. Rumor had it the Fabled Fountain had dried up. I knew it
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I glanced at his hip to see if the Texan was carrying a gun. "Where's your gun, mate?" I joked, grinning. The Texan glanced around at the pub. "Took it at the airport, pardner."
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was the king of beard cleaning. What harm could it do now? And so poor Boeing slipped away, a smile on his face. "I finally beat that chump Trump," were his last words.
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I hurled it in a projectile fashion across the stage and right into the lap of that officious hack, McShay. "Sorry, something I ate..." I grinned, keeping my newfound superpower
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name was Jeff. But he looked like a Bob." I stared at the doctor, realization slowly dawning. This doctor was insane. I shrugged. Weren't they all these days? I nodded. "So, doc,
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as one camel lit a cigarette in the hooves of another. The shrieking went on for hours. "Explain this," Oprah demanded. The camel shrugged. "Just getting rid of some camel toe."
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(taking out huge chunks in the process) and eventually got himself stuck in the window. He was just too enormous to fit through. "I knew I shouldn't have had that last cheeseburger
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revealed a number of disgusting bathroom habits as well (don't ask what he does with the used toilet paper). Sitting there, typing furiously on my old Remington, I decided to
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a question," she said disapprovingly. The gypsy just looked at her stupidly. Finally, she sighed. "Your Highness, I cannot answer it because it would mean the death of
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I looked around quickly. "Who said that!?" I demanded of the room. "It was me..." came a voice. But I still couldn't see anyone. Then I noticed it. A small man standing
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I could hear him shift inside his compartment, the heavy breathing betraying his 3 pack a day smoking habit. "Do you repent, my son?" Father Drubbin wheezed. Did I? I wasn't sure.
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my stoat behind the ears, contemplating this iniquity. So turgid was Stoaty that he sneezed, blowing snot all over my face. I took a selfie. That pic got the most likes I ever had.
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She told everybody her name was Ma Bell, but who knew if that was true or not? Out in the wasteland it didn't matter what you called yourself, as long as you pulled your weight.
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tell what was going on until it was too late. "Hey, lookie here, he's throwin up!" I heard Jeb shout, and turned to find everyone staring at me. What had gone wrong? I looked down
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throw, and would surely have beaned the abominable snowman in the noggin if Nanook the Sled Dog hadn't caught it mid-air. The icemen cheered. We won the cold medal! I died happy.
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off. The wail of the air raid siren pierced the air suddenly, but it was already too late. The bomb fell right on Uncle Les' bigoted face. The end of the world as we know it is fin