Finished Folds (561—580)
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7was killed when he shoved brie in his mouth and nostrils, suffocating him. When a deliveryman brought a package from Amazon, Frank constricted him anaconda-style. Being a serial ki
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4While rabbits appreciated Paul Erdos’ genius, they weren’t keen on his eccentricity, especially his ability to live out of a suitcase. The rabbits just had too many possessions to
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2rt,” he said as he removed the tarp in the bed of his pickup to reveal his creation. The creature lying there was human from its feet up to its neck—but its head was that of a
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3in an act of supplication. The dog really wanted to raise his leg in an act of relieving himself alongside a fire hydrant, but Master and Child were watching. They expected more fr
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2cartoon rabbit who demanded his right to Trix and then called for reparations for years of being denied access to the breakfast cereal. “Cartoon rabbits of the world,” he said, “I
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3. The joke was: “What’s the difference between a young prostitute and an old prostitute? The young prostitute uses Vaseline, and the old prostitute uses Poly Grip!” The kids didn’t
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2His dad looked up. The first thing he noticed was the grand piano. The next thing he noticed was it falling down on him. Moving his feet like Fred Flintstone and getting nowhere,
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5he didn’t have a clue about how anyone’s underpants smelled, except for his own, which he sniffed regularly. Henrietta’s underpants, Henry surmised, must smell sugary, since she
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3knew it was the hourglass breaking, tipped over by the clumsy janitor who had been sweeping and reading a skin magazine at the same time. “Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to shower you w
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5k by an old and near-forgotten artist. Joni’s comeback encouraged song parodist Allen Sherman to stage one too. His would be harder than Joni’s since he had been dead more than 40
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1outh bunch that wear lead underwear that I can’t penetrate with my X-ray vision,” said Superman. “Look, Clark…I mean Superman,” said Lois, “the Heisenbergs are friends of mine, and
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4“Hell, I don’t even LIKE cigars!” said a cherub. “But the story requires we smoke them,” said another. “Screw it, I want OUT of this story!” yelled the first cherub. And with that
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6expulsions propel the ship, unbeknownst to Captain Hook, who attributed the noxious odor in the air to their passage through the Horse-shit Latitudes.
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4Flippy the burger-flipping robot is horrified seeing the McDonald’s manager carrying 1lb. of fresh ground beef. Flippy knows what that means: a million more burgers to flip soon.
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4a believer in corporal punishment. That principal hired a retired army corporal and beat his bare buttocks daily with a snapped-off car antenna. He had a short tenure. The next pri
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2Satan and Sammy’s burritos made flatulence ignite, so burrito-eating farters no longer carried matches. The more burritos the two made, the less they devoted to their real job, whi
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4buy a used Human Cannonball cannon from a circus auction because that smelled like fun. They loaded the muzzle with gunpowder, using the huge ramrod that came with it to tamp it do
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4would say if he meant “Raise ‘em, they got nothing.” “Rawk” meant “Fold” and 3rd Huffy whistling meant “Call.” His rapid flapping of wings on Bykuspid’s shoulder was the signal for
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3latrine for cleaning duty. Imagine! Me, the military’s best code-cracker, being ordered to do such menial work by the general! I put the mop down after 5 minutes and decided to
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4rowd just mocked him. “Yo, get a load of the garish vole!” “Does he really think we’d listen to something so garish?” “Ha-Ha!” “Garish vole, garish vole, nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!"