Finished Folds (2021—2040)
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5"Do I have Buddha nature or not?" the dog asked. "Throw me a bone here." Fluffy's "enlightenment" was really getting on my nerves. "Bad boy," I said. "No more Eastern paradoxes."
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3which made the "Cabala hurl in a jive Delphinium inn." If he spent as much time on his curry as he spent writing slogans from anagrams of his name, his patrons wouldn't suffer from
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6"You guys may have a full house," said Detective J-Man, "but it's time to flush you out." One criminal replied, "B-b-but a full house is b-better than a flush, Mr. Manatee, sir."
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3and a Dutch oven. "Watching a Third Reich propaganda flick on Axis grounds wasn't such a good idea," I concluded. My family was tense, so we headed back to Amsterdam to smoke
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2Jeff couldn't run the risk of his beloved cow giving birth to their cow/human baby. It was time to hoover the heifer.
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3"My wife ran off with my best friend... and boy do I miss him." The audience groaned. He was gonna have to do better than that.
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5They peered into the crater and saw Richard Pryor. "I thought he had quit freebasing," said Bill. "I thought he had died," said Jed.
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5"Whoa. Guys, my toenails have, like, feelings," Chad surmised. I rolled my eyes. "Dammit Chad, you're the worst smoking buddy ever. Can I please listen to 2112 in peace this time?"
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3make a sextape with Baby Bop and send it it Barney on his birthday. B.J. was such a rascal, always too busy flying planes and shagging dinosaurs to eat his fruits and vegetables.
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4-ERS SUCK, he yelled. It was an exercise in poor judgment, this being a sports bar in which Islanders fans outnumbered him 42-1. Thinking rationally, they lit some Molotov cock
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6me the bird when I asked her for the upteenth time to turn over my pillow. Unfortunately for her, I had a low threshold for insolence, so I
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3I locked myself in the bathroom, where I discretely pulled the corpse out of my carry-on bag. Necrophiliacs always keep a corpse at the ready. But a line was forming, so I had to
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5Burton memorial service, he could feel Death creeping. But I was happy to trade an archaeologist's life for knowledge of my powers. Who would I telekenetically poison next?
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8Be fruitful and multiply? Bitch please. I'm gonna be fruitful and exponentiate.
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5Don't read this story. Seriously. It's uncreative, the transitions are awkward, and there's no wit to be found. You'd feel less pleasure than a Scorpio with an Aquarius wife, or
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2His film career long in the shitter, Macaulay Culkin now spends his days forging horseshoe culkins, caulking video game level designs, and helping his dad's tile-caulking business.
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6he became Jerkules, Hercules's arch nemesis. He mounted Gregasus, his noble steed, and set off to find Billoctetes, the trainer of mythical Roman anti-heroes.
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1(Well, more like in Imam-Approved.) Plus they got Plankton to sing for their cereal's commercial: "F is for Fire that burns your intestines. U's for 'Uranium-O's'. N is for
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5my grandma dressed as Catwoman. "Grammy, I said you're too old to be trick-or-treating. You're not getting any candy." But she wouldn't take no for an answer - not this time.
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6"Honey, did you put anthrax in my pancakes?" I scraped them into the trashcan, her guilty stare confirming my suspicions. "That's the third time this week, dear. What's wrong?"