Finished Folds (2281—2300)
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8Unfortunately, I could not hack him. He had Norton.
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0of televised Chutes and Ladders and sunk into his faux denim bean bag chair. He opened a fresh Miller Lite (the kind in that fancy new vortex bottle) with his musky hands and
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2that wouldn't help at all. However, Grant ran a fine butchery, so Lincoln was convinced that Grant would be a fine replacement for McClellan. "Grant the Butcher" proceeded to
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2But Peter realized it was something more sinister. All three stooges were Jewish, and this was a catholic priest. Peter burst out of the confession booth and ran all the way to
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1so I moved far away. Could I have warned the Oyster Covians of their impending doom? Sure. But I had decided to let them find out for themselves.
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0I ignored it. How was my stomach ever going to learn to shut-up if I kept feeding it? Of course, treading through Arizona on a loquacious empty stomach didn't turn out so well.
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2I threw them away (How dare they take away my right to make puns!). But a Red Lobster waiter dug through my trash and found the tickets. He soon found himself on a journey to
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2his head hit the marble floor, everyone else in the conference room ignored him. They whistled and shrugged, successfully avoiding responsibility. Luckily, into the room strolled
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5I did the math in my head. It worked out to about 105 kilometers per hour, which was an awfully fast pace for dad to be tumbling down the highway, considering how weak he was from
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1fucked me in the ass, but that's irrelevant. I heeded Hunter's advice and made plans for my future: I started a recycling club at my grad school and invested in stocks for
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1as a dildo. What's the point of building a nuclear reactor without a stick up your ass? So anyway, the other stick and the empty Fresca can started a fission reaction that tore
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4his penis. Scarn proceeded to fill every dodo at the Bar Mitzvah with his ostrichy lovejuice. That was, until
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5walkin. Cuz that's just what they'll do. One of these days these... anyway, as I was being beaten to a pulp by unfashionable New Hampshire cops, I searched my Uggs for my hidden
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3Of course not. How could I be his dad if I'd never had a penis? But the little shit was adamant. He signed us up for Jerry Springer, Maury, and other esteemed daytime programs.
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3thought. But it just went downhill from there. I
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5Okay, here ya go: While Pudgy was taking a particularly long shit, he noticed a help-wanted ad in the newspaper. "A pool boy for the Lake of Fire?" he mused. "Yeah, I'm game."
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2come to a screeching halt as well. A 90 degree thumb? That's disgusting. After all, that is why his wife of 30 years left him for Brad. Brad had a proper thumb. And a job.
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1to play hide-and-seek (who doesn't want to play hide-and-seek in a department store?). He hid under a pile of pleather uggs, thinking no one would ever find him there. But then,
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2shag passionately. In the spirit of "If I go down I'm taking you with me," I had effectively ruined the dog's appetite as well. Now no one would eat the salmon fillet, except for
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1made like the paparazzi and followed him. Once he had seen through my poker face, I pursued by dream of writing bad romance novels about a Colombian pool boy named Alejandro.