Finished Folds (2301—2320)
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3Unwittingly, he had created a new genre of music that would plague college radio stations, iPods, and frat houses for years to come: Country Rap.
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4the mallet at Chuck, but an Acme crate landed on me. This being a cartoon, I was covered in phallic-ish lumps and X-shaped bandages. When I peered into the crate, I saw
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1and her fishbowl. As water, pebbles, and a little purple castle crashed into the floor, Oedipus's mom finally followed through on her threat - she signed him up for Boy Scouts.
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0we melted the ice, and the cows sank into the water. "Cows can't swim," I said, puffing out my chest. At least, I thought they couldn't. But then I heard a distinct moo, and
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3hard work and positive thinking, but to each his own. Besides, he inspired the boy to become a dragon trainer on Salamandastron, a faraway volcano ruled by fluffy
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6nothing; salmon don't talk, so I guess that made sense. But then I saw something that really made no sense - it was a talking waffle. I readied my spear as the waffle said,
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3But I did anyway. As I entered the gates of hell, I was greeted by Beelzebozo, the devil's clown. He asked me to become his hairdresser. I wish I had declined, because then he
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1That was, until the Mustard Demon broke into my house. Who was I gonna call, Ghostbusters? No. Today was the Sabbath, and they were a God-fearing bunch. So I grabbed a spork and
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4Once upon another time, I rode my pet dragon, Debbie, all the way up to my roof. I needed to fix a leak, and my ladder had broken, so she was especially helpful. That was, until
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2nothing interesting. He invited me over to play mini golf, but I couldn't take him up on his offer - me and the dwarf were hurdling through space-time on our way to
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4The Aquafina spilled everywhere. "Oh no!" I shrieked. I grabbed some paper towels and cleaned up the mess. OCD sure is a great way to take one's mind off things... like Linda.
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1, which is disgusting. I hate mayonnaise. As I looked around for something to take my mind off the Condiment-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I was attacked by an army of toads with little
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1tax auditors. You know, those guys Patrick Cox talks about? Anyway, I rode so hard that my tire went flat. On the side of the road I was approached by a leprous mountain goat.
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1was cool and all, but I just wanted to find my toupee. I couldn't let Trish see me without it! Thinking I had left it in the attic, I ascended the creaky steps. I was greeted by
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3So I twisted my titties. Spurned by the sharp pain, I jumped up, only to have the top half of my brain chopped off by my Edward Scissorhands novelty ceiling fan. Unfazed, I
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4Unfortunately, my weak stomach minded. I threw up a rainbow river of Sour Patch Kids all over Alice's receding hairline. Realizing that chivalry was a lost cause, I reached for
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0shit. Luckily, it was unicorn shit, which was laced with lollipops and daisies. I ate my way out and joined Naywhal, my unicorn friend from grad school, at the blackjack table.
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2my penis. "Not now," she said. I knew better, but had figured it was worth trying. I zippered up and pulled out a science textbook. It was boring, so I tossed it into the fire.
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7in his Guava Lava smoothie. My pigeon senses were tingling; I was suddenly aware of all those old ladies on park benches with stale Sara Lee. One of them beckoned me, so I flew
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4go pirating, in the spirit of doing something in every sense of the word. I had even cut off my leg in favor of a peg one. I adjusted my eye patch and set my impaired sights on