5 Folds
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The Walmart Santa became violently enraged and began to picket the store, holding a sign that said "HO HO HO, MY WAGES ARE LOW." Retail politics aside, at least Mrs. Walmart-Clause -
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"One more step and the pussy gets it." I found this to be disturbingly suggestive for a Fairy Tale, and decided instead to focus my deluded mind on Jesus and other such misleading
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and there was suddenly a great disturbance in the force, as if thousands of voices aboard the MotherDwarfShip cried out in terror...and were silenced. Kind of like when yo' momma
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with a bad case of obsessive compulsive disorder, set back up the hill and insisted that exactly 3 quarts of water was added to the bucket in 3-drop increments, or his penis would
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child into the oven and began counting to ten, all the while admonishing they're frightful table manners and threatening to set the dial to 350 degrees if they didn't learn to
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back of the nutritional-facts label on a bottle of Vitameatavegimin. The Lucy impersonators then set out on a great pilgrimage, chanting in a zealous fervor: "Lucy, I'm home!"
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around that time I realized the crazed, mucus covered monkey looked oddly familiar. "George...is that you?" I took my yellow hat in hand and looked deed into his blood-shot eyes
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a life for myself in spite of the constant bobbing of my head. It all started the day I ran away from my middle-class suburban life to join a convent of pigeons, who convinced me
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The powder-burn induced sumo waddle brought to mind memories of his past life in Tokyo; after stripping down to his skivvies, he slapped his thighs and beckoned forth a challenger
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I went to Jared!" My blushing bride-to-be began to swoon. Either that, or the stench of a thousand mounds of microbial filth were beginning to take a tole on her delicate respitory
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And with a badda-bing badda-boom, I learned English. Perhaps this explains my sudden affinity for spray tans and cheese in a can.
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she sat, a look of terror on her face. "Don't be frightened, darling," I stroked her face and looked deep into her eyes. "This will only hurt for a moment." I set the turkey baster
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In the far corner of the boxing ring stood the defending heavyweight champion, Oprah. Her entourage of overweight middle aged woman chanted her name and jeered at the challenger
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Usually it's in my nature to show self restraint, but as I looked down at the mangled remains of the homeless man, I had to laugh. "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
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The interrogator slammed his fist down, causing the metal table between us to tremble. "Where have you hidden the bodies?!" His patience was wearing thin.
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Woody cradled his freshly-jabbed elbow and made a mental note of Bob's face. "You will hear from my lawyer! NO ONE sexually harasses Woody and gets away with it! Err...wait..."
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and usually kept me from garnering invitations to fancy dinner parties. I looked at my distressed bride and awkwardly patted the top of her head. "There there...you could always
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like a sweaty knapsack of teenage angst, gently tossed in a dreadlock- cannabis salad. Yes, the sweet sweet Nirvana Reggae salad of life.Now all they needed was a Jamaican bobsled
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"dutch ovens," being spanked while wearing a monkey suit, and doing his/her best Bill Cosby impersonation. Any breach in contract and/or failure to convincingly portray Mr. Cosby
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caught in the flabby folds of Pamela Anderson's love handles. The Thompson Twins struggled to free themselves and exit the time machine, but suddenly they were awestruck by the