Finished Folds (561—580)
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5Somehow, the Universal Monsters had made it onto the ballot, and the day after Election Day, the world was shocked to find that America had voted the Creature from the Black Lagoon
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5Once he took the tube from the centrifuge, he knew at once what was wrong with the man's blood. Turning to him, he said in his gravest voice, "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that
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5There was an eye in his breakfast cereal, floating there in a 2% milk bath, staring up at him. No sign of an optic nerve or even any other gore - just a perfect eye with a green
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4Spatulas were not, apparently, the appropriate gift for one's ten year anniversary after all. "Dammit!" he thought as he raced back to the Dollar Store, where he hoped to find
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1GIRD, and great gouts of stomach acid spewed from his mouth every time he attempted to say even the simplest koans. The Pope was faring no better - let's just say Preparation H
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5The two octopus tentacles on the side of his head quivered with anticipation as he approached In and Out Burger. Up to this point they had fed only on larval eels, and the aroma
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6engaged the warp drive on his shuttle, sending it careening into Earth at such a high pseudo-velocity that Africa was pulled through the resulting hole and now resided in China.
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82:25 pm, 10/21/12, the day the Earth was destroyed. For all our fears of alien invasions, asteroid impacts, and supervolcanoes, it was the lowly Sea Monkey that brought about the
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2An astronaut, a witch doctor and Suzanne Somers walked into a bar. "Ow" said Suzanne, as she had walked into a particularly pointy part of the bar. The astronaut held open the
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5She planted the seed that had come from the dusty packet in the back of the greenhouse. For weeks, nothing, then, one day, a sprout appeared, ghastly green, glowing with an unholy
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5The sign said "Stay away fool". It was posted on a crazy little shack that sat way back. Out front was parked a Chrysler - roughly the size of a whale, though what species was
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5grew not a luxorious Chia-beard on his bad face, but instead a great blossom of angry skin that spread from his face, down his neck and stopped just short of his nethers. Dejected
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6The McDonald's employee, a pimply teen by the name of Brenda, replied to her talking breakfast "But tasty", then proceeded to devour the sentient sandwich bite by savory bite, its
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2Pat chimed in "And a Belgian waffle", and soon we were back at our old game of trying to top each other's suggestions. We went for hours, ending finally with Bob's "radioactive
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3That's OK, I'll let you borrow mine..but first I really gotta scratch it, right here, in public, on the bus. Yes, I mean it. No one's gonna care if I scratch it there -
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1Honey Boo Boo was pouring some Go Go juice on one of the dwarven retainers we'd hired for this particular adventure, while
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3Taking the Clemizitrol seemed to remove the dizzyness, but left a ringing in his ears, for which he took a double dosage of Thorazine, which had the unfortunate side effect of
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3needed to visit 25 November, 1972, and for some reason unknown we were completely unable to - any attempt to visit that date resulted in the unfortunate Timedoc employee landing in
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5The tutu really made his outfit, he thought. Why he hadn't worn them before was a mystery, but seeing the envious stares of his coworkers as he walked into Taco Bell, waving his
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3Strangely I had much better luck with the Kwanzeaster feast - everyone raved about the rabbit I served, and the egg hors d'oeuvres were a smash as well.