Finished Folds (1981—2000)
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5His wife had fallen in love with Martina Navratilova. How could Ted compete with the Amazonian ex tennis champion of the world? He was stuck in a tin box orbiting earth. In bad Rus
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2I saw my cat eat a black water vole leaving nothing but its green spleen. That vole is an endangered species. Should I shop my cat for illegal between meal snacks?
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3A golden eagle swooped in through the window & snatched the lascivious hare up in its curved talons. It flew out, settled in a tree & ate the hare in the moonlight. I couldn't slee
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4I was walking home from the pub across the fields when I saw on the hill a bonfire with witches dancing. A very beautiful witch only wearing a cutty sark stopped to stare at me
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2T-shirt with 'I am a troll' on it. A butler opened the double doors and led me to the ballroom. "This is the troll known as 'primaliscream''" he announced to the gorgeous throng.
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3"Do you like icecream?" "No." "Do you like chocolate icecream?" "Yes." "Are you attracted to other subatomic particles?" "Yes and no." "Do I know you from somewhere." "Yes."
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6Lola had always hated job interviews, but this is the first one that had ended in a massacre. Was it the question about her strengths & weaknesses? Perhaps. It takes a small push
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8filled with tears, she mooed softly & deposited a large pat in the self check-out area. "Um... may I.. for my roses?" I said & shovelled it into my handbag. The cow librarian stern
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1No, they were eating superfood salad with shredded spinach & edamame beans. I threw away my knife & fork stuffed handfuls of spambaby into my mouth. It was the best dinner party
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6Futurologist & lothario Dirk Van Dook snapped off his power point presentation & strode amongst his audience slapping them awake. The seminar room door swung open & an old crone
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5ever at this rate. Molluscicide - luring seafood out on dates so they could be eaten - was right up Det Manatee's street. Dapper serial killer Daniel du Gong had to be stopped!
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4delivered within the expected parameters, cost tested & quality assured. This Vestal Virgin couldn't work in this environment & quit dramatically while eviscerating a chicken. The
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4if her loveless eyes were altering the air to cause a difference to his heart who should she call? She looked in Yellow Pages & argued with a Shaman over his hourly rate. Tranced,
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6Jalapeno condom test #2 ended with Lucia calling an ambulance. Derwood got in too as the habenero oil had baboonized his genitals. "One day we'll laugh about this," he assured Luci
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5Beryl examined her toast carefully and carefully nibbled around the image of Princess Diana burnt into its crisp surface.
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1But when I got back to my house I realised I'd in fact just been on holiday in Tunisia. I had the blackmail notes in Arabic to prove it. And a compromising pen and ink sketch. The
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5Then I gave him 2. Then 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. I gave him 10. But I wasn't going to give a cop pointing a gun at my head any more. No way. NO WAY. Does he think I'm some kind of fool
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4I like playing 'let's pretend'.
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4st invite us to England, home of the English muffin?" They got there & Sherlock Holmes told them there was nothing English about an English muffin. It's true, it's mythical bread!
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4even the most toxic of marriages. "If you cheat on me, I'll castrate you, kebab your testicles & eat them with gusto" Roy was inspired by that quote to dig a tunnel in secret and