Finished Folds (41—60)
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5"You scratch my back, I'll eat yours." All he could hope for was to get selected as a Best of Craigslist so his message of shared mastication would spread, like butter on toast.
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1soon or he was going to be forced to take drastic measures. He saw a horror movie once where a man extracted a set of molars from a kidnapping victim. He couldn't get the screaming
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5as a child, his parents locked him in his squalid bedroom with "The Sound of Music" on a continuous loop. When asked how old he was he trilled: "I am sixteen, going on
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5news vans had been parked outside, doing one interview after another with the religious crazies getting their hair coiffed. It was quite a fuss for such a town. The male stylists
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3a handmade skirt, fashioned from those plastic mesh wrappers that keep Clementines together in the grocer's aisle. I was trying to produce a top notch pickup line when the phone
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3tee shirt contest by the vending machines. I told a third grader that there was a pool on the roof and laughed quietly as he raced up the stairs towards his impending
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4Four Loko and poured it onto the cracked asphalt below the porch. For all of those who have gone before us, and all who are to come.
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2my condition was Jim Beam and Ambien. My doctor called it "stupid," I called it Jimbien. He couldn't help me now, there was only one option. As I drifted to sleep, I wept for her.
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3: by rising to attention like a good old fashioned barn raising. He was a shower not a grower though so it actually came as a disappointment when he was finished. "Is this it?"
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4of herpes simplex would wake these good-for-nothings from their slumber of indifference and intellectual neglect. Nothing like the "gift that keeps on giving," to help with class
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3shampooing with a lethal melange of Rogaine and Head & Shoulders. It burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but I am the masochistic type who enjoys pain with my
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4palm fronds and fine white sand. It was a spiritual moment, one that defined my religious beliefs much later in life. I can't say if it was the rum punch or the cocaine that made
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3My father always said: "There are no ugly women at closing time." I had never understood his sentiment until tonight, I mean, I'm a woman! Anyway, there was no way I was going home
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5he was going to use one of those kits from Kmart with the funny designs and the mini saws. Perhaps a striking "BOO" or a fiery witch on a broomstick. Whatever he decided, it would
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4disintegration. He had been competing in the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling Race for as long as he could remember and that kind of impact took it's toll. He longed for a cold beer, a
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4before being smacked sideways by the butt of a Colt 45. "Shut up Calvin!" This wasn't the holiday party he had expected based on the Evite. Nobody had mentioned the parlor games or
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6caught in the crossfire. When someone brought a rocket launcher to a church service, that was when it became clear they weren't messing around. Harlan County brought out the worst
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6shoveling their driveways. It wasn't much but it came with the benefit of having keys to every house on the block. I know it's creepy, but sometimes I went into their bedrooms and
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3only take an hour before the "sand people" surrounded the camp and finished the job they had started. There's something about a ticking clock that makes people confess their
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4a three-legged German Shepherd named Alice. I was beginning to think that pledge week was taking a year off my life for every day spent in that god forsaken house. Only three more