Finished Folds (61—80)
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7might as well have been there. Apparently that seventh sea is salty and cold and dull, so why bother. Capt. Haberdash doesn't care what you think, anyway. He harrumphed beardedly.
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3"Oh, of course, yeah, um-" Try as he might, he was unable to balance the Xonian's head on his neck, and it fell face-first into the dirt again and again. Bruised and bleeding, the
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6poor for meeting other colossi like herself. "Where have all the good wood golems gone?" she thought as she let out a lonely sigh, which blasted the groomer from his rope and sent
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3It was his old "friend," the poltergeist, the spirit of the previous homeowner. This was the type of guy that would bang change in his pocket and overuse phrases like "WINNING."
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1did more than clear up his hideous pus-dome--it seemed to make him far more attractive in the eyes of his elementary-age peers. No longer was he known as "that kid who looks at his
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5With desire. His roommate's eyes burst into flames and a grin of glasslike shards stretched from ear to ear. "Hell yes," said my satanic roommate as he searched for Mario Kart.
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4The audience of pixies and sprites on the shelf fungus bleachers applauded. The sound was tintinnabulation and glittering light fell from their hands. The rodeo gnome bowed, and
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1lay there in the white snow, which turned as red as strawberries in the summertime. I started whistling Fleet Foxes, which was suddenly stuck in my head, when I heard a click from
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1on my junk and we started daggering right there in the Gap store. My boss gave a small, approving nod. The register popped open, so I made it rain tens and twenties while
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4didn't see that coming. He threw up his lice-coated arms. "Sorry people, I quit!" He lice-dusted himself off and stepped down from the mount on which he was sermonizing. The crowd
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7the old rocking chair, sending Granny rocking back and forward like a Bozo the Clown punching bag. The boy repaid his Granny in full for
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2barrel like a damned idiot. Suddenly, the whole valley began to shake, and a fissure tore across the earth between Jobs and his agent. From the magma-illuminated rift rose a cow so
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4I began having these bizarre sexual day-mares about lard. I coughed out an apology for interrupting the class and tried to focus on the lecture, but I kept thinking about the woman
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9times, then folded the essay into a working, life-size paper manatee. The teacher was handing back our papers when smoke bombs filled the lecture hall. PETA came for my manatee
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7pair of Satanic ritual shears?" "Yes! Congratulations!" I was handed the shears and a heavily bearded old goat. Within a few short weeks, I had woven a very warm and evil sweater
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5the coccoon that bound me to the ceiling. I squeezed my eyes shut so hard that I farted a little, which seemed to soften and weaken the silk. Focusing all my willpower, I
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6to crush the kid's head in his hands at some point in the movie, but I might have misinterpreted the trailer. I left the theater with a pledge to reanimate Jackie Chan's career.
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1dissolved in the saltwater. I was forced to use my underwater flamethrower at close range, boiling the amphibear alive. The rise in water temperature angered the sea bees,
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4I knew it was coming for me, to carry me alongside horsemen Death and Pestilence and War through the endtimes, and I watched myself burn the world. At that point the salvia
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4lift the keys off of Pete passed out on the couch and take his Geo Prism for a little joy ride across the neighbors' lawns. You pound your pint of Sloe Gin as the red-lit square