The newspapers (or whatever technology they have in the future that served my purpose) were all abuzz about a Certain Planetary Princess in the arms of Detective Manatee last night

Arriving late to the murder the suspect had no choice but to play victim for the crime. It was an open & shut case. Until Manatee received a tip that he couldn't top. He reopened

That was doubtful advice. I don't doubt that.

When in doubt, doubt yourself out.

The castle walls were breached from the inside. The royal family had to flee to the catacombs of Nigel.

To vertigo that hit me last night was named Jane. That is all I knew.

e driving his minivan on Main Street? No, it seemed unlikely. But on the other hand, if he happened to crash his vehicle, he would get jail and probably a few kills. It was worth i

aimlessly thrash around like flies in a window, annoying any passersby and disturbing the general peace. This can be prevented by buying a simple insect repellent which will effect

your mis-spent youth. No, getting wedged in the super slide was a rotten idea, anyway. Maybe you could cut your hair and get a job, just like Dad had suggested. But he was a jerk!

"Well," The judge began to reply, "You really are only in this position because of your natural tendency to lie about your weight and stupidity. If you would become honest, you may

wears hot pink short shorts and everyone needs to get drunk off their asses to forget!" Not a very catchy slogan, but one that's so amusingly memorable it was worth it.

and like any other Bingo night, there were young people making jokes about all of the old women in attendance. What they didn't know, was that the senior females were planning

Moses. That damn pig. He took two of EVERY species of animal that was good, but by the time the flood was ended, half of them had gone totally extinct. He was fat, while his family

What I happened to learn this Summer is that the Ice Cream Man, Eddie Van Halen, is extremely good in bed. You see, all his flavors are guaranteed to satisfy.

You disregarded that ridiculous idea. Of course your life wasn't a song! It was the ridiculous collective work of many bored authors, and they were now breaking your mind with meta

had threatened to molest her three thousand cats, all while staring into her eyes the entire time. A small herd of previously molested felines gathered behind him. They just loved

You will gaze upon my handsome form in my purple finery and realize that you have stepped on my green oxfords once too many, my friend. My orange eyes ablaze, I will extend my hand

are the only creative touch to her otherwise mundane outfit. She sways her hips as she crosses the candle-lit room, and the smell of the peanuts on her hat urge me to follow her.

in a plate of spaghetti, ruining his pants. Everyone laughed, none harder than Hermina Belinda Hunsucker herself. She knew that she and her Donut Party would win the presidential

free pass into heaven, in spite of his being a low-down schmuck on Earth. Earl's ex-baby-mamas were perturbed to see him there, but he soon rapped his way into their hearts again.