, realization dawned there would be no redemption. For my arms were where my legs were supposed to be and vice versa. Moreover, my head had traded places with my bum, so that my ap

The class was baffled, until Tom rose, climbed atop his desk & promptly keeled over backwards landing on the floor head first. "Damn! my 1st pupil in 30 years to succeed & he's dea

moments, you'll always have Lemon Heads (TM), the tart, tangy lemony candy that nobody can get enough of. Call now, and you'll receive ten boxes of Lemon Heads. But wait, there's

She reacted, of course. But what kind of reaction did she react? Was it surprise? Or disbelief? Amusement? Horror? The fake King Edward had elicited many such reactions through his

"Wow, that was dark," said the disco clown as he woke up with a start. He glanced at the alarm clock. It was about to go off in a few minutes anyway, so might as well get up and

"Maybe now might be the time to try my new thingamajigger," he thought to himself. He pulled the thingamajigger discreetly from his pocket, flipped open the whatchamacallits, and

know the joys and pleasures of that last set of Ginsu knives that Millicent had so innocently tried to sell her. The millipede sighed in resignation as the Spider Queen shook her

he drove his car into the Grand Canyon. Oh, I know what you're thinking, but no, he took a scenic road that went down through it. Nothing sinister about that, is there? Finally,

given her the side-eye and slunk away to who-knows-where. She sighed. Recently, it seemed that everyone was ticked off at her for one reason or the other.

spare her life after such a failure. In fact, even the time she spilled Lord Hairduster's boiling tea all over his guests was less mortifying than the situation she was in now.

a sadness he hoped his expression did not reveal. Was it really 20 years since it had all gone down? The years spooled behind him like a tape measure, each one

-ing no fame or fortune. I never imagined that my mountain climbing adventure would succeed anyway in Lodi, a flat city only known as the birthplace of A&W rootbeer. I drowned my

expanding girth is not due to water retention or visceral abdominal fat! You, dear mother-to-be, have a bun in the oven! Sooner than later, stork is going to make delivery or is it

He knew that he would have to intervene soon, but for now, he just watched, fascinated by the primal struggle. The dogs snarled and snapped at each other, their teeth bared in

made me think of that time I got lost in the corn maze, and stumbled around in the autumn dark until I came upon a guy making out with his girlfriend. "You lost, friend?" he asked.

He knew that his plan was working. He had lured them here, and now they were trapped. Soon, he would make his move, and they would be at his mercy. He smiled, feeling a rush of

instills in me the most profound dread, like sitting down to take an exam and realizing you haven't studied the entire semester. I envy the life of dogs.

had never experienced the real world. She closed her laptop and looked out the window, watching the rain fall in heavy sheets. Maybe there was no easy answer to the question of how

Samantha rolled her eyes. She was tired of Amanda's negativity. "Well, I'm not trying to make my own luck," she said. "I'm just hoping for the best." Amanda snorted. "Hope is for

wildlife preservation. I can't keep up with this." She sighed, feeling overwhelmed by the endless stream of chatter. She missed the days when she could just sit in silence and