in the muck, pouting. What to do? What to do? Perhaps now was the time to expand my pocket phoenix. Yes, may as well. The old cliches were retold for a reason. But first I'd need

saw the diners come and go, a drying upside down L near the wall, unnoticed. Years passed. The concrete building was condemned. Centuries later, she was still there, in pasta hell.

know how much of a crime that is?" the porcupine sied. "lock me up walrus. ive got nothin to live for anyway." the porcupine took one last look at her mansion, and silently

to another phat bowl of multi media word salad. "Escuse me, waiter? Can I have two more sides of hot sauce and two more sides of ranch, please?". Blanche couldn't stomach

in lieu of patties drew a flame out of my tooth grill. So I handstand walked to the nearest patron and politely asked him to graft his bipedal meat sandwich on my lower torso. He

were arrayed before them and read by the soothsayers the spiders had brought. Who's guts are those? That was a common question. Were they species specific? Dr. Satan cooed at Saint

The kitchen learned not to send the pretty ones as food bearers as they quickly ended up without a head. They now only send out the frumps. Who cry because they lose either way.

both of them ignoring the scent of a dead skunk I left in the radiator last Yom Kippur. Even Dairy Queen won't take their drive-thru order now.

om using Frontline, which was about as useless as the proverbial screen door on a submarine. Bill's fleas were proliferating over his face and abdomen. Sara had to take the fight

The Land of Goshen wasn't all its brochure cracked it up to be. It's hard to take any sort of writing service seriously if they use a sans serif font. Eileen was leader of Goshen,

group therapy. There they met a Gen-Xer and his dad. The Xer says, "Dad, I'm in puppy love." "That's great, son!" says the dad. "With an actual puppy," said the son. "Get my gun,"

I was first to market with Biokenesis®. I became a millionaire overnight. I moved to the boonies and practiced qonfu and my back porch everymorning before a breakfast of extinct

a biplane's propellers slowly, deliberately. I knew then that she was having some feelings about moving back to Heck. I hadn't considered the sexuality of planes before. Was that

slightest perturbed by Nyarlathotep. We all pointed and laughed at him. One guy quipped, "He wanted to reject Cthulhu, but said, '$20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20!'"

the abandoned insane asylum by main street. the couple rekindled their relationship over a spot of tea unknowing that they were being watched by the crypto killer

e and into the baptismal font which, like the public pool, was full of urine. Then the best man got loose and ate all the little communion wafers (the Jeez-its), and the bride ate

my purty mouth." The banjo blushed sharply. The spirit of the marsh-island could see where this story was going and tried to head it off by fomenting mistrust between Kask & banjo.

-led. Mildred replied to the Frenchman, "a fence only keeps honest people out but men with guns keep the prisoners in. With my Kalashnikov I have no need for a lock."

-round the ho, ho, ho' was a hit with the tongs. Not so much with the Fu Manchu. Which is why 'cock-around the ho, ho, ho" wasn't allowed in his new haunted castle. Gourmet ghosts

I felt like my own private trinity in an Ang movie. I had one hand reaching for Jesus and the other my nana. Jesus had one reaching for me & the other pushing my nana behind him.