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Then the grim specter of AIDS poked its face out from the crevice and I noped the fuck out of there. No way was I gonna sparkle like a vampire from drinking her period blood.
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I mean, how maladjusted could he really be, being raised by his two weird racist aunts? Plus he was so ugly, I didn't really fancy the thought of him having children. A condom it
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slightest perturbed by Nyarlathotep. We all pointed and laughed at him. One guy quipped, "He wanted to reject Cthulhu, but said, '$20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20!'"
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even speedier relapse when instead of wheelchairs convalescents were given roller skates and instead of handicap ramps we just had steeper stairs. Insurance premiums skyrocketed!
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And absolutely form-fitting to the Goofy costume as well. See, when I say "specimen", I don't mean that he was handsome, but that he was some science experiment gone wrong. Freaks
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without lapsing into shrill, idle gossip. I noticed a lot of imprints of Thom Tumb on the sidewalk where he'd careened several scale miles soaking wet. I just assumed he was dead.
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were too busy arguing over one another to hear me try to ally their fears. "It's very simple," I said in futility. "WhitSlimman always wears a hat, as opposed to just sometimes."
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I was sure the plant was speaking; it had a very botanical accent. "Spam Baby is no more; I have consumed him," said the plant. "That's good to know," I replied.
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o' tomahters, but at least our countryisms' ain't goin' nowheres in particular." Huck responded by saying nothing; he'd had a light coronary. Gidgit avoided his gaze awkwardly.
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been asleep for some time. I was also experiencing another loss of urine, so I called up my doctor about it and asked if it was safe to deposit it into the toilet bowl.
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killing since we'd killed all the trains off back in aught seven, but one day a muscle-clad man faced that ghost train and give it the ol' heave-ho Chattanooga suplex. Our hero!
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up a book. "En la jaro de nia sinjoro, du mil dek du, anno domini, raso de malbonaj estaĵoj, kiujn ni nomas la Ĉevalistoj, venis al nia tero tra trans-dimensia portalo de nekonata
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to Earth culture, and if games like Bio Inc had taught him anything, it was that his mom's terminal septic cancer was going to be a very funny situation! Shakie the alien felt safe
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As the mayor of Scotland, he was damn sure he was the finest mayor Scotland had ever had. He was at least rocking the sheep vote! He blew his nose on a dirty napkin and lumbered
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both of them ignoring the scent of a dead skunk I left in the radiator last Yom Kippur. Even Dairy Queen won't take their drive-thru order now.
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d ou t. Knowin g tha t sh e wouldn' t hav e th e gut s t o no t ea t th e entir e bow l i n on e sittin g, I lef t he r t o he r ow n device s an d snuc k ou t o f th e stadiu m
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That kept Pseudo-Casey Jones busy while I hurried back to the car wash where his car was. "No, no, no!" I cried. "I said power wash his car! Not powerbottom wash his car!"
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only to be served up meat with strange, rubbery, plastic-thin layers, sporadic blood red spots, and bright pink insides, and cutting through it is like cutting through bone. You
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the nimblest momeraths outgrabed me by the bundle of my pantaloons. The momeraths meant nothing but it; they just wanted to get fed, but I still let out an appalling shriek as my
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which is very pissing in the wind. It would've been better if he'd made everyone retweet me or leave comments on my YouTube vids. But I understand he was busy holding up the bank.