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Merlin, knowing the old coot of a wizard had forgotten his underpants again. Nobody liked Merlin. He wasn't even a real cambion. Now take Cambert, from Cambridge. He invented the
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and I mean that in the most figurative of ways. Funny, I'd never heard of the country of Japan before. Where was I? Right, so I was heading into the post office when all this
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One part boysenberry, three parts wine, four parts anti-depressants. The next recipe in the Mother's Recipe™ recipe book was for Homemade Prozac. Twelve parts wine, one part fudge.
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dead things he made dead with a snap of the neck. But no, everyone wanted to label him a murderer and a killer. But that wasn't how Cork wanted to identify. He liked licking corks.
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group therapy. There they met a Gen-Xer and his dad. The Xer says, "Dad, I'm in puppy love." "That's great, son!" says the dad. "With an actual puppy," said the son. "Get my gun,"
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the piss; though not as much as naming him Herman, which the mother had begged for. So wee Hercules went through life, unable to impregnate himself like a third-gen hornless goat.
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A third even less familiar man's voice spoke: "Ooblah-dee, ooblah-dah, that's a big bra! How the fuck does it stay on? Why, why, did my dog have to die?" The second man told him to
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e and into the baptismal font which, like the public pool, was full of urine. Then the best man got loose and ate all the little communion wafers (the Jeez-its), and the bride ate
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but to little avail. It wasn't that the director didn't find their act convincing, it was just that he was an asshole. Kind of like an actor. "No, no, you fucking fuckwits! Why
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Xenophobic xats xylphoned xantham xebecs, yet yellow yaks yeeted yerts yesterday; zoological zeotropes zoomed zero zeppelins. 1 1derful 1nesday, 2tsi 2ootled 2ogether 2 2nics.
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He pulled out the cannon and blew himself up. The audience gave the maestro a posthumous standing ovation. Yo man pass that fat spliff. That's not a spliff that's a doobie, dumbass
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pecked at some bird seed and forgot everything that was happening in the cosmos for the rest of the day. Anubis was busy with funerary rites. Sobek was retired. Sekmet was free,
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my strong suit. STOP. I wonder why they couldn't just add periods to telegrams. STOP. Lack of foresight. STOP. Stupidity. STOP. Greed, actually. STOP. I just went thru a red light.
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were shed, but one last mystery was yet to be solved. Yes, it's "COLUMBO in A BAD CASE OF DIARRHEA". Scene 1: Interior, Mexico. Columbo speaks through a voice modulator on throat.
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degraded when my reflection started bellowing, "♫ FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES! FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES! FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES! FLINTSTONES! ♪" on repeat
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wombs with the power of new lemon tide soap, now with a hint of lime!" The mops did the trick, but not on the sewer system which had gained full-on sapience. Now they were screwed.
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flexed its retractable switchblade claws, the dog reeled back its head to reveal an array of tactical ground-to-air missiles. Invisibility was off. The cat retaliated by unveiling
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anordyslexia where they only screwed up spelling short words. The Hulk's babies needed to be stopped, and how else do you stop babies than with a giant spike press? Tell me a more
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And then, suddenly, the Earth blew up.
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set up by beret-wearing hipsters putting on another rendition of "Waiting for Godot". I much prefer the sequel: "Waiting for Godot II: Waiting for Godot to Fucking Leave". Qua.