found to my dismay the school had been placed under lockdown for credit card fraud. As typical, the students are the ones to suffer here, and only three of us don't deserve it.

a cat beer because so few cats live to be 21. That didn't mean the cat couldn't learn, and the cat ended up ordering 200 gross of frozen lasagnas with my good, clean credit card.

The goat planet was dominated by the technologically advanced Nan civilization who had been on the cusp of space travel when the monkeys in spaceships appeared in orbit above them.

scuttled unless she could find someone on eBay or Craigslist selling the Schwinn and would accept Green Stamps. Then one day there it was on the Facebook Marketplace. Miley booked

little ditty that the moonmen sing about the Colonel. When the earth is high in the sky, don't ask why. Colonel Mustard/ When the moonquakes beheath your feet, Colonel Mustard/ Hex

It was a Sunday, in the Summer of the year; the wealthy masses amassed on the front row seats to Outer Space and beyond, but on this Sunday, the Bionic Troubadours were headliners.

Spent the 19th year of my life playing shortstop for the Pine Bluff Rednecks of the South Southern league. My roommate was a four-foot-tall sinker baller named Richard Hatedude.

Hiram Algernon LaTutle. I'm a Hansom driver in the Whitechapel area. I've seen the Ripper brow to brow, as they say. I can identify the fiend for the right considerations." Manatee

-k them and they released Beethoven's 10 Symphony, Novo Ordo Sunc. "It is true. This really is the bust of Beethoven. Beethoven was STACKED!" Admittedly, my reaction only got worse

Eddie Money, Johnny Cash, Johnny Paycheck, and Jewel dashed into a sperm bank to get out of the rains of fire that were falling from the new small moon in the sky above Omaha. They

along about this “God and Ark thing.” Noah refused to admit he had a drinking problem even when told he was seeing double and had really only gathered one of each animal. Mrs. Noah

Mick, and his hetero-paternal superfecundation twin brother, Mitch, are psychopaths with borderline personality disorder; they both display sporadic periods of schizophrenia. Mick

was there, but they would not allow him to wrestle with his nose, even though they allowed primates with elongated fingers to thumb wrestle. Euell Gibbon's disease had caused her

for lowercase letter of the year! Misa and Kumi each received a lowercase letter asking them if they'd heard anything from the manager since COVID. But SOMEONE must be footing the

Suddenly the clouds grew dark, flowers wilted on the stalk. What wasn't Susan Cowsill cackled at my plight. She called me a mere human blight and that they would soon set me right.

penance for selling himself cheap. Both sides of him thought the other had flim flammed him. And if that was not enough he got flummoxed by the "rheumy" Formica Fonzi figurine in a

home base on Neptune that is the kind of things that happened. The Vibesphere was all abuzz over the newest generation of rejuvenation protocols. Fashion you, not your clothes. Of

ng topless at a Hooters along with a flash mob of gay men. Luckily I livefeed everything to three separate accounts on Vimeo just in case I get mugged (to this day I never have).

For some reason so many people don't know how to appreciate a good pair of stones. Pet rocks get lonely, you see. You've got to have two hefty, good-sized stones to be tender with.

"D.K. Donkey Kong. D.K. Donkey Kong is here. He's the leader of the bunch; you know him well. He's finally back to kick some tail." President Dummy sweat under his golden toupee.