What the-- Who, what? I can't... no. What the heck... Why? It's... argh! WHAT THE... I can't even! It's just... what the! Why the ... Geez, wtf man! I mean, who the...

Actually, maybe don't. Our solutions are half-baked. You'll only get halfway there with us, so call us half the time if you like doing things by half measures, if you've got half a

For you see, in my country of origin, it is forbidden to meditate on the rug of another without first offering a burnt sacrifice to the Elder Gods. I do not see any such offering.

the horse and took control of its internal reins. In a flash, we zoomed off into space, my infinite horse bending time itself to its whims. Across galaxies we flew, crossing the

went right down to the TV station and asked to see Matt Dillon. The station looked at him like he'd just landed in a spaceship from Mars. "Matt Dillon died fifteen years ago." "Oh,

But alas, when they fired it, it tunneled deeper underground, taking the hapless citizens with it. "Heh, oops. Had the silly thing in reverse", said Duck Dodgers of the 24th-and-a-

from some kid way toward the back of the room, who also burped and farted a lot, making my keynote speech much harder to take seriously. Still, I pushed ahead, ignoring that kid

when just one of them would have sufficed. Moose Lodge #438 in Sheboygan was bad enough, but ME? Here I am with two bullets having gone right through me, and these tourists just

would get herself a nice, tasty bowl of nachos and snack on those while binge-watching "Tidying Up with Marie Kondo". She got lots of great ideas for cleaning up the army camp from

von Sneazhkopf, who had a thing for large octopus women. Ursula adored Azhan, especially for the charming way that he could dispose of an unruly peasant. Under the sea, they ruled

late to my concert, the Patriots of Purgatory, but I just didn't feel like going with this White Life infection going on in my zombie body. The operator said, "You should consult

"YES!" shouted the Marvel Cinematic Universe producers! "The Batman is dead! Long live the Avengers!" But Batman wasn't done yet. He still had a trick or two up his cape. First, he

belched, then blushed self-consciously as I looked back and forth between my dead lover and the film crew. "Uh, yeah. That." It kinda ruined the moment, really. So I packed my bags

Meanwhile, a train departed from Tijuana at 4AM with a load of coal destined for Durango. If Juan a Holanda was traveling at 60 MPH and the train at 90 MPH, at what time would they

number of times. Three, in fact. But they came to the same conclusion each time: This cartoon was perfect for children of all ages. "Might Hercules" was greenlit for release on

reverted back to where it had been. Or would have been. Or will have been? How does the future change back to a previous form? Therein lies the real conundrum. My future uniform is

down the gauntlet for real. "All right, dude. You're going on one helluva trip whether you like it or not! And if you so much as make a peep about it, I'm gonna make you trip even

-eing the greatest people they could be no matter what the circumstances. Solitary, hard labor camp, maximum security? It didn't matter to Mugsy. Mugsy was the kind of crime lord

I used to like that. My smile has been referred to as a nausea inducing uncanny valley. I didn't know how much teeth to show. Teeth together or apart? I was thinking about the few

layed limp on the ground, till its breath became air. The fair maiden was thrilled that the fight was over and turned to our hero who was holding a