just a few lazy hamsters that sometimes walked, sometimes sauntered, rarely ran, mostly just lazed about in their wheels. No wonder there were so many stargate delays and lost bag

just in time to avoid the Great Dr Pepper Invasion of 2008. She hid behind Admiral Jones, sipping her Pepsi nervously while the Kool-Aid Men fired off rounds of Tab at the

Good morning. I am the wealthiest and most famous person currently alive. But tomorrow, I will also be the most powerful. For I have seen the future, and it has ... uh... line?

cliff, they would, smiling & thanking me profusely while falling. If they survived they blames themselves for not having enough faith in Trump's vision of America. Then donate to m

all manner of things that other walruses couldn't imagine to do. This special walrus befriended a carpenter. Can other walruses do that? One day this walrus ate the baby oysters.

All of these stupid NOW ideas were driving me up the wall. How can we teach these morons about controlling their destiny, without making them "do their own research"? It was an

And sensing my anxiety, the heroine came straight for me. "Please, good sir, won't you join me on stage?" I couldn't say no, so I nervously followed her, my tidy whities

encyclopedia salesperson on a really hot day. Which it was. It was 102 degrees F and they were making Andrea sell these heavy books outdoors. "There's a good article on heat stroke

Netflix had beaten us all to the punch with its Original Series, "FoldingStory Debauchery", whose first episode is about reading these things out loud naked in parks. Looks like we

the foreseeable future, I'm just a tool-using tool. It doesn't really matter to me who benefits, and who ends up six feet under. I'm just here to be useful for someone else's

They call me the Human Bowling Pin. I get knocked down, but I get up again. Ain't nothing gonna break my stride. With one left foot I have good rhythm. My one leg and I are going

and I was DAMN PROUD of my uncut okras and their protective lids! You see, I was at first

I had no idea what any of these terms meant, so I contented myself with listening to Howard's mesmerizing whatever-the-heck-he-was-doing-on-YouTube. It was quite soothing. But one

"Heaven is a place on earth. You know who said that?" I would have shaken my head, but I was dead, see. Still, I said "No idea." Tediel sighed. "You've never heard of Belinda Car

your sovereignty in the United Nations Council, Mr. Seaman! You must desist at once!" Of course, Ms. Farts's odor was evidence enough of her participation in chemical warfare, and

to his senses: he could make his own movie, and use his own language! It would be called "Hercules Cwms Sozhaleyu", and was released to mixed reviews. Leonard Maltin called it "The

counting each other's nose hairs." Knife leaned in to his cellmate and peered up his nose. "One. Two... uh, three..." Spoon smacked him away. "Quiet, man! You're spoiling my

remember when she said she would never do this again. None of us believed her. We knew we'd be sitting here all over again because she done did what she always done. Second, how is

Diner. The place was on fire, which meant it smelled GLORIOUS because of all that bacon fat left in the fryer. But Al just shook his head. "Been there, done that. Just get me a

And what kind of adjective would we desire for Facebook to accommodate? Pristine? Enthusiastic? Onerous? Odiferous? Slimy? Unbecoming? The possibilities were endless. But we had to