In the mid 70s grocery stores that were open 24 hours, in Toledo, could be counted on one toeless foot. In a matter of life or death, where does one find a pineapple at 2:37 AM?

It looked like a scullery maid not the cook. "You wanted to talk to me?" "Are you the cook," asked trying not to show my incredulity. "Dishwasher. Cook was a no show. So I cooked."

Every time they tell me, "That's all she wrote", I ask the same question. "Then who wrote her suicide note?" I remember the first time I saw Claribelle. The Finnish Station at the

aralyzed psychotropic philodendrons philanthropists placed perpendicular to the poop plainly parked by pyromaniacs parodying our prime portal of our palace. "Pppppt!" Passing putts

Would you explain to him why there is so much rampant plagiarism in Asia, particularly in so-called communist countries that claim to despise the western hordes? No, my brother, I

ion, and a flurry of punches. You ever been in a storm, Benny? A storm of fists, raining down on you? You ever get hit on by an undercover cop in drag? Huh? You ever eat dragon,

all because God's bladder burst. And God, while you're up there, would it kill you to put on some underpants? Everyone can see up your robe. Then OK K.O. jumped in and ate everyone

used, the lecherous snowman sculptures my wife had made melting under the summer sun. The next Farside comic hit me: Two men camping. One mistakes a snake for his sleeping bag.

trying to surf on the ironing board in the living room. Luckily the carpet was shag, so if she fell, she might not get hurt too bad, but Betty had Bactine in her blood ever since

a little ditty of a hymn like "Zip a duden duden zip a duden dah," as God swaddled the child, Harold Green, gifting to him a mighty keyboard video synthesizer of legendary legend.

When Legolas was eleven, his adopted mother scolded him for kissing a deer, and promised when he was at level 4, he'd be able to shoot cookies from his sleeves with ease. Legolas

hostages, setting cinder blocks on automobile gas pedals and watching them speed driver-less down the highway, all because he got "caught up in the moment". He was a hassle, just

es who were limited time only. "I think I'll try the salad bar," my wife said. But again, it was a zombie salad bar. There was cole slaughter, diet lettuce, funyuns...I dunno.

urnalia, an orgy of nihilistic dread. Nietszszhschshcshshzze was fingering Plato's Arby's sandwich. Greedily, the mustached German stole a layer of roast beef and loudly chewed,

have reacted with my yeast to create a holocaust in my vagina." When Lorena said that, Martin just sort of stared at her, transfixed with a horror that didn't even reach his face.

Not since the Lego people formed a band and wrote that ad jingle for the YMCA had the peoples of this fair village, Toledo, seen such a spectacle. The police belting Smashmouth, a

bird on your shoulder. That was the extent of Br'er Rabbit's first reply in his advice column. "What does Br'er stand for?" He replied, "Brederick Dougler, my good man." He noshed

wearing I bought at Goodwill for $1. But after we fumigate it and wash it we'll have it on the sales floor with a Mashall's price of $11.99." St. Pooter wasn"t impressed. "Dollar

without a permit from the vice-mayor. You see, he's A) a fat cat, B) a cool cat, C) a mister-number-one cat, and D) he knows what life is all about! Here comes Ga-a-arfield, so you

lost the case. "Too bad she didn't lose a pound!" the producer laughed. His lackeys laughed too. They rolled the 601-pound woman down the courthouse steps to the press' applause.