my feather duster lacked an ionic-attraction switch -- but really I was just fooling myself and unwilling to admit that I had cut my Finder friend Jeremy out of my life all because

"A Summer Place" was the soundtrack for me and my buddies' road trip as we bumped along over the still smoldering and twitching corpses of the Constitutionalists. We guzzled our

OK, so I had forgotten my cultural-appreciation lessons and ingested the extended hand of the human ambassador from Earth without thinking. I did extend my second-best appendage,

Now, snails have been known to wreak havoc in hearts, but there is a way to keep your heart intact in the event of a snail infestation.

After a moment of blank stares, the slender beings exchanged glances."Sprechen Sie Englisch?"Then, the summoners suddenly sneezed. "Gesundheit!" "Are you....*sniff*....aliens?"

appeared to find him first&met him with a dirty look, seemingly saying "You BUTTER not!" The singular glare was enough to dull his craving&shock him from his cannibalistic stupor.

my halitosis is much less than it used to be. Don't scoff. I can't smell it myself. The damage was so bad. I never let go of my towel though. Had my thumb out the whole time. Ford

I know what this is about you naughty simka. You're in need of D." B looked up from his not quite empty glass just as the jukebox started to play "Hey" by the Pixies. The cowboys

He rained down on the gangster like a rhino in a tutu factory. Up until he discovered that the umbrella has distracted his attention from the shotgun the gangster was holding.

I looked at her and wondered. "Who did she think she was?". I noted to myself that Mary Jane and Stella were doing their job. I was chill. Gears were turning. The pipes were open.

returned to the couch, he picked up a cucumber slice and tried to turn the TV on with it, then wondered why his paw was covered in sticky water. "Hmm. Someone seems to have changed

The destruction of the library's campus, along with higher tariffs on Chinese imports and a $400 million jet he got from Qatar. ... oh wait, that's our President. You were asking

is my nickname for Holland. The country has a lot of things with names that need shortening by exactly three characters. Let's name off a few them, shall we? First we have

Well, after we croak our successors might not necessarily remember us in full detail, or as we would like, or even at all. So, just appreciate and remember your own best moments,

Put the tacos on the platter and the junkers do not matter

sneakiest scoundrels in all of Europe. If it weren't for them, the giant bunny aliens would have already conquered the continent. But the inquisition forced them to look elsewhere:

“Hold still, I’m trying to work.” Ysolde, the dormiga who had been given the unfortunate job of healing me, grabbed my arms and pinned them to the bed, holding her scalpel between

But why only talk about BLOOD as the subject matter at hand, when there's so much more to gross out over together! You know, like sex ed, cardio, and so on...

Know you???" She asked, a bit, let's say shocked, and confused. "Don't you remember me Diane?" I asked, hurt crossing my face."Well...I..err, no sorry" She replied.

And so the hamster set off on a long and whimsical journey to obtain a tutu and become the best hamster ballerina in the world. He packed up his belongings and caught the next bus