remember when she said she would never do this again. None of us believed her. We knew we'd be sitting here all over again because she done did what she always done. Second, how is

Diner. The place was on fire, which meant it smelled GLORIOUS because of all that bacon fat left in the fryer. But Al just shook his head. "Been there, done that. Just get me a

And what kind of adjective would we desire for Facebook to accommodate? Pristine? Enthusiastic? Onerous? Odiferous? Slimy? Unbecoming? The possibilities were endless. But we had to

reveled in its ability to bounce and ping off the rocks that it encountered, like a tennis ball upon a flight of stairs. When it reached the bottom, it eagerly went back to the top

-asonal thing, for it doth happen t'wither it raineth or shineth. In the still of the night's snow, the cloak and sword doth sparkle, ensconced lovingly in thy shrubbery's embrace.

It was true, I had only seen the virus once. Every other time, either it had blinded me, or it was too small to see. Either way, I decided I wouldn't stop until I had eradicated

"CUT!" The director was furious. "Okay, Hercules, go cool down in your trailer and come back when you can speak English again. Meanwhile, everyone break for lunch." The actors all

the dead horse and started beating it with a ping-pong paddle. "CUT!" The director was furious. "Come on, Hercules! That's six horses now! Go practice your lines!" Hercules sobbed

obtuse hypotenuse overused rhombus boozers with protracted compass disease. They tended to go around in circles, parallel to the ground but perpendicular to each other's

god like himself. He thought ahead to the day when he could tell his enemies off with just one swish of his hair. That would be the day that his life truly began.

My spleen!? Bah. Who needs white blood cells anyways. Chew on my furry friend, immune system, be gone! Give me some good old fashioned social distancing a.k.a divide and conquer.

ly, a refrigerated toe flinched. "Still alive?" Sure enough, there was a whole man in that fridge, wrapped tightly in a fetal position. "Jesus Christ. help me get this guy out." He

-om only. It was filled mostly with poly-sci majors to get their humanities credits towards their degrees. One of those who took the course took his idea to Uber.

The sandwiches ignored her command to mate. They reasoned out the correct stance independently and without mustaches, snuff stashes that clash with fashion to hash on the trash.

up without wearing our wigs that day. It was all the rage in old France to shave your head, as it reduced lice and unwanted suitors. But the chess players thought we were pigs.

rigged them so entering a PIN administered pre-measured doses of Ex-Lax to the monkeys, causing a commensurate number of bills to spray from their butts. These Simian ATMs revoluti

planned for next week, and what would Armageddon be without Jesus? The man in the next grave yelled to me. “HEY, some idiot is dancing on my grave!” “I know…it’s Jesus. Just ignore

The crowd gasped. No one ever questioned the Genie, the supreme know-it-all. The Genie grew to massive size and pointed his finger at the questioner. “Dog! Prepare to receive your

with relish. But eating scorpions caused the King of Snakes terrible explosive diarrhea. Not able to give up his scorpion habit, the King put the explosive diarrhea to good use. He

, especially cookie jars labeled “Joker Enterprises” on the bottom. The Joker feigned innocence but laughed at the Penguin’s bloodied finger, which he’d caused. Jim warned the