was sent to the New Halifax mines after he stole a loaf of bread from a bodega. He was sitting in a rocket crammed with other prisoners and pondering his fate. After all, it was

No hate crimes in Xenophobe, North Carolina, no siree! We are incredibly welcoming. We are happy to accept everyone who comes to our town. As long as they look just like us.

I mean, it wasn't THAT bad. It was just a rift in the universe, no biggie. Nothing we couldn't fix.

Which is a shame, really. They would never experience cartoons and chewing gum and being rejected by Kevin from sixth grade, whi is a total jerk but still a cutie.

think about it. What about morsels? And murals? And muesli? Well, I would trade immortality for a bowl of muesli in a blink of an eye, my friend. And what about

Go home, I guess? Listen, I've never rescued princesses in all my life, I don't know what we're supposed to do here. Let's just go with the flow and see what comes next.

t, t, take it or leave it. Then comes u - stands for you and me! And then v... V, v, v... Venomous snakes, of course! W is for wineglasses, and then X for... X for... What does it

A tangerine that begs you to eat it. To dig into its flesh with your teeth until the juices come flowing out, leaving your hands sticky and your heart content. Though, if you were

A light rain was falling when I walked out of the building. Dusk was at hand and a steak somewhere was calling my name. Dutch Fairlane. Dutch on account I was Dutch. Nobody knew my

"I once ate my baby. When I was homeless and living in the husk of a car in Alaska," she said blankly. "That's my darkest story. Now you tell me yours." "That's not what I meant."

ed him from breathing. "I'll have this lump out of your throat in no time, and you'll be fine," Dr. Goodfeel assured him, but made a point to requisition an extra body bag just in

was dismayed to find an admissions COMMITTEE there, but quickly recovered:"Have you no shame," she thundered "fully dressed on national fur protest day?!" The assembled dignitaries

ed its trajectory just beside her, and I held my hand out the window for her to grab before she was enveloped in the mud. But to my surprise, she leapt directly into my chimney and

was better than Pollock. His Picasso was better than Picasso. This orangutan was destined to eclipse humanity in his art-making. But this would only work if he was ever recognized

She prayed that Martin specifically, who was weak for a good beach, would volunteer himself to go first and become the cautionary casualty. She knew he was gunning for Ship Lead

a frightening recruitment strategy that opened employment to all species that could complete an interview. The interview program was modified to accept responses from amoebas, frog

where he tentatively opened the freezer. John had excreted an insulating substance all over his skin so that he wouldn't die from the cold. Impressive. Maybe he could leave him in

heads. Regrettably, the four children were told, they would now be inseparable. Like conjoined twins, the filthy kids were bound by their mutually-tangled hair.

The moniker was earned when Old Bobby down the hill ate a few and promptly contracted a prion disease. In truth he'd eaten the mushrooms alongside some questionable roadkill.

Naturally, then, the children began to ask embarrassing yes or no questions. "Is your penis small?" YES. "Am I your favorite person ever?" YES. "Does Debra smell bad?" YES.