wearing I bought at Goodwill for $1. But after we fumigate it and wash it we'll have it on the sales floor with a Mashall's price of $11.99." St. Pooter wasn"t impressed. "Dollar

without a permit from the vice-mayor. You see, he's A) a fat cat, B) a cool cat, C) a mister-number-one cat, and D) he knows what life is all about! Here comes Ga-a-arfield, so you

lost the case. "Too bad she didn't lose a pound!" the producer laughed. His lackeys laughed too. They rolled the 601-pound woman down the courthouse steps to the press' applause.

which is kind of ironic since my best folds come when I really wanna END my life! Chuckling to myself at how we'd created a better fantasy than God's reality, I swatted my keyboard

saved is a goldmine earned. Dirk invested in a cheap Wacom tablet and sketched out all the filthy scenes he'd seen the Easter Bunny and New Haven Ravens' mascot get up to in the

ed if they'd ever shopped at Marshall's before. If not, Mrs 72's 3 heads informed Clement and Syretha, they could apply for a Marshall's membership card for all the latest deals on

newspaper. Something was peculiar (as he'd say, "perculiar"). For some reason, Dr. Ruth had answered all nine letters today with "Put a gun to your head; it's the only solution."

Rahm's garish magenta turban bobbed irregularly as he nodded uselessly. A few more adverbs chucked onto the fire, the candybird droppings finally reached their diamond-crust table.

to nobody. Yuri watched drunkenly as Lavrov puked right there on the middle of the floor, then added, "And that dead dog smell is coming back again." Arms on shoulders, they sang

I'd been dicking with them for years, sending them random telepathic thoughts for shits and giggles without telling them it was telepathic communication. "Kill yourself," was my

He then engaged the four grannies in a laborious flashback to his time panning for ice in the Martian boonies. Then he was hit by a golf cart going at 2 kph. WHY ARE YOU MEOWING

point out interesting cloud shapes in the skies. The news anchors gaped in silence at my weak attempts to construe fluffy frogs and lumpy bunnies from the darkening cumulonimbi.

The news anchor, Ken Swimsperm, was infatuated with Leviathan's colossal gustatory capacity, and found ways to work him into every report he delivered. "Here I am in no man's land,

y graffiti littering the Everglades with all the disenfranchisement mustered by a preteen stealing spray paint from Walmart. Det. Manatee found Col. Mustard taking a grey poop on a

or just leap down? Better safe than sorry. If she had accidentally ingested the canine feces under her fingernails, her life might as well be forfeit. She leapt, spreading her arms

helping the customer find the right outfit for him, just like at Marshall's. This entire seasonal ensemble only costs $59.99, but there's more! We also have beer cozies that Dad

I pooped in the koi pond behind his Azalea bushes. Over the next week, his koi began to die off, and I felt awful, but Mr. Kneifer deserved it, the dirty pinko peeping tom. From

"Will you cover me in Marmite and feed my trousers to your orangutan?" Soze knew she shouldn't have eaten all those oysters. "BARFBARFBARFART," she told the Queen of Canada. "BARFA

had a hell of a time at customer service. Next time, I would be sure to do my shopping at Marshall's, for the tasteful environment at affordable prices. Gifts for Father's Day were

customer at Marshall's, with brand new men's summer fashions fresh in stock. He could look good AND feel good this summer by taking advantage of Marshall's Midsummer Sale! And the