Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

"Like your mom did hers?" he shot back. Constance, sadly, was incontinent, and her husband's counter-jibe made her piss like a gallon right on the Walmart floor where it belonged.

stalement of personal definition, something I could root in marble so no one could deny me. After my death, stories were made up, tacked under the "parody" clause. Not just of me.

And I musta been drunk, 'cause now I'm locked in his trunk, and when you're dead you can still feel everything. Feel everything. Every thrust of the knife, every sour breath on me.

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

I mean, sure, I could "prosper" and crank out a hundred folds or more a day maybe if I smoked crack like Stephen King. But I don't, and I don't want to. I'm all sober, bitches.

There was Alice in the middle, between two giant, vaguely-feline dangers of purple coloration. She breathed into her Jabberwalkie-talkie. "Angel in Nevada. We are go." A floodlight

like most Connecticut residents, was a pothead with furry tendencies, an Italian-Polish heritage, and alcoholism. Ox Baker taught us arson-proofing your shack is essential in CT.

I'd never actually met the guy. I just knew him as a guy from down the block. I'm told his name was Zed and that he was a shipping dock foreman down at the St. Regis plant. He had

, but let's face it, a mother does have to be tough. It is not a job for the faint of heart, especially when one is a squirrel. The cannibalistic squirrel knew this, but tenderizer

The thermometer shot out the window. The two Darryls rubbed their hairless heads in consternation, but Mrs. Brimful had happened to be passing by just then and caught it. "Normal!"

The dregs of melvin haunt me still. I close my eyes and I see the counter covered with red solo trucks. Cups full of the dregs of melvin. We should have burned that counter, after.

vaunted tradition. Secret mystical Talmudic tomes hinted at watering down beer was started by Miriam, the sister of Moses, who ran short of beer at a Temple event. She watered down

is nothing! Nothing!” he howled with laughter, keeling over and almost keening until he could compose himself. The Dalai Lama stared at Hobart. “You truly think that is suffering?”

and it was a perilous state to be in, yet she found herself laughing, throwing her arms in the air. Fern stared at Julia, knowing what little care she had was lost to the winds.

laughed so hard he almost choked, tears streaming from his eyes. “Heaven? An advantage? Heaven has become no more than a slum!” he cried out, cackling as he turned away. Soon, he

BA came to. It was dark, silent, & moist. Something was dripping on his face. He tried to wipe it off but discovered his arms were wedged into whatever he was wedged in. Below him

Having discovered that all his life he has had his television set at full volume when he could have heard it just as badly at 28% caused Fred's life to nosedive into what happened.

accidentally cured both AIDS and cancer and the pharmaceutical companies had placed a price on his head. They blew up the Southern July 4th jamboree in an attempt to kill Peter.

So this one time the A-Team was stuck in a Viet Cong tunnel. Their way in had collapsed. The only way out was to crawl out one of the tiny tunnels. BA isn't having it. "I pity the