iccan board of health that the valueless flatulent diadems were not genuine Apple products. Apple, strangely, soon unveiled their new iSnapple: "Snapple, but owned by Steve Jobs!"

-gal growth from Lego's unwashed socks had spread onto the fake Spock ears he used to wear to Star Trek conventions. But now he had no head to attach them to. He would have wept,

" Rosie's voice said, from under a pile of rubble. George dug frantically for a few minutes before he found Rosie's head. He propped it up on an ancient alien TV stand. It crackled

He had to log down those white water rapids by ten, by thunder. Thunder was what his kids called his flatulence, which he preferred to term, "angels bowling". "GUTTER BALL!" he

ng slopes on Powder Ridge, which was where they found the governor of Alaska hiding out after her jenkem meth lab exploded. Suddenly, the author suffered a fatal heart attack. The

Ann couldn't do much, so called her man on the smellophone for directions. "Are ya in Louisiana?" Stan said. "'Cause it smells like you're in Louisiana. Like a meth lab took a dump

dawned on me that my neighbor was called Baccala Spumoni. He came from Crete; his parents came from Sicily. Over a game of bocce & a bowl of spumoni, I told him Pope John Paul II

cried both of the Cojoined sisters as they checked into the dial-in orphanage. But life became nicer for Fifi and Deedee, after that. They met a nice boy with a parasitic twin.

She's been working in a potato chip factory ever since her incident, and nobody can even remember her name. So she divorced Lot and got a little dog named Pepper. Since then, her

"Well, I think it comes down to how much of a bitch you want to come off as on your first day at a new job," her stylist suggested over Magnum bars. She poured ouzo from another mo

began the ancient chant to summon the administration to come fix all the bugs cropping up in the site. It mostly consisted of listing compound words including the word "cock", then

Somehow, he did not think this OkCupid meetup was going very well. He spun around on his heels to try and sneak out, but there was Richard, smoking a joint and reeking of vodka.

ripped the outhouse off its feet, and the ferocious high-speed projectile Booboo spawned was enough to ignite the fuel to the speeding car, which resulted in another explosion. "Uh

utum. Now no one could stop him and his stando, King Crimson, who had a tiny face on top of his face that went "bleedleedleedle" when he glad, he mad, or he sad. A big red nose day

Across town, Morley was in stiletto heels & dominatrix gear. "Ebenezer Spooge! These chains I forged in a leather bar! Expect the first sexy ghost when the sexy bell tolls sexy!"

to his website: ChixWithDixDotCom.com. The Dolly Llama had broken his own cardinal rule: "I before E except after C all these minorities being driven to the concentration camp".

exotic alien dildos in many fluorescent colors?" "By George, I think you've got it, George," the not-George character said. So they went down to TJ Maxx together, debit cards ready

cling the Twin Pines mall every Tuesday. Brian wasn't what you'd call a bright man. Or a man. But he was the loudest fucking vocalist The Holy Lost had ever had--ANY band ever had.

potato as "potahto". Xorxblat was afraid the stories were true, that the Mother Brain computers were defective. He was znorphing lost. He should've turned left at the last quasar.

Not literally--that would be horrid! But cuttlefish goulash has trans fats, which are illegal in most states. However, there was a little trick I picked up in preseminary school