Once upon a time a very independent woman decided that it was time to get to know a man to share her life with.

Good-bye, mission control. Thanks for trying.

I attacked and ripped open the poor thing. I stabbed it again and again. I was hungry and this was the law of the jungle. I bit into its soft pink flesh. Watermelon tasted good.

"Go on then - just f--k off!" shouted England. "Think you'll find someone better? Think the EU will put up with your continual sulking!" Scotland was livid. "Yes, the EU LOVES me

Shortly after Herman had pushed the button a hidious sound came out of the container. If this was not the end to the Garble people problem he had hand them over to the

Pasternak for Men 1.7 oz EDT

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I have corn, and what my lousy child was like.

"You can sleep in a comfy bear-shaped sleeping bag for as long as you like, but that will not save your planet or its residents. Your minds are undisciplined; your tech is equal to

His armor clanked as Arthur fenced to get past the iron shield of her chastity belt. "The kingdom for a locksmith!" he cried. Master Bracegirdle was called to the Queens bedchamber

Lord Samuel of Goldwood let out a loud belch. Sir Matt Fornicot blushed. King Smith XI rose and boomed "HOW DARETH THEE BURP IN MY ROYAL PRESENCE?!".

His right hand was interlaced with her left hand and resting on her lap. She cradled their joined hands with her right hand. He wore a baseball cap & she had bright blond hair with

Unfortunately, Jim was worrying about his exams.

I am horribly horribly lost. I know that the lost city of paradise wasn’t going to be easy to find but this seems excessive

"I just realized I won 30 million dollars at the lottery, so please forget my previous rant against inflation. What a beautiful country we live in! I will get 3 butlers, 5 cars,

Mayonne Kirpl laid out her silverware just so. TBH, it was just ordinary flatware, but she wasn't expecting werewolves or vampires for dinner that evening, just a microwave lasagna

As Lee-Lee typed her latest fold, she wondered if writing about yawning affected anyone else as it affected her as she covered her mouth with her hand to hide another yawn.

Dottie made every effort to impress; she lured her red wig out of mothballs—judging by the size of its balls, that was some big moth; she had a sponge bath and soaked her dentures.

My Tinder date & I were strolling along the seawall in Corpus Christi. We were playing 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. I had stumped her with Emma Stone. I think she was pretending to be

Whatever twas, I liked it enough to put off doing the dishes again. That wasn't hard to do. Exotic lifeforms that formed on week old food encrusted plates deserved a chance at Life

List of the stupidest Superheros ever invented: 1) Captain Carbuncle, able to cause unsightly boils to appear on his oponents face, secret ability: cures warts 2) Matter Eater Lad,