There once was a talking parrot named Norman. I mean he could really talk. He wasn't just repeating things he'd heard. Now the funny thing was Norman was owned by a linguist who

Gerald! Well if I had any feelings I might regret that you have "won" the right to "star" in our heavily scripted version of your life. I'm sure you have big dreams for the future,

"Are you kidding? The shoes that look like hobbit feet were bad enough, but this! You've no idea what fires you are playing with" Jackson was furious, but the merchandising people

I was watching Little House on the Prairie with my wife when suddenly my cell phone rang. It was work. It was an emergency. It was almost midnight.

It started to rain cats and dogs, and the basement started to flood. As the water started to rise, my pet hamster, Wally, jumped in his toy 12 meter sailboat and began

They traced the beginning of the end to "The McLaughlin Group", a sad and tired TV show. Leaping from her chair, Eleanor Clift began to strangle

The sweet young girl went to the circus.

She shot up in bed, a crashing sound waking her from her deep sleep. She heard someone laughing from the doorway.

Bill Clinton scorched the top of the creme brulee with a cigarette lighter and some aquanet. "Little thing I leanred in the service" he crooned, with the cigar

The Congress had planned on coming up with a plan to raise the debt ceiling...but Sen. Orrin Hatch (R) thought they were "raising the roof", which he heard about on Oprah and was

"You want to date Luanda? Then you have to sleep with me. And I don't mean 'rest' either. I mean knocking the boots." Ted stared at Tammy. She was serious. She was totally dis

Wow, this class is so "fun" right? Web design is the

When I got back to Iris, we shared some of the food and fell asleep smelling of Funyons. I woke up late in the afternoon and Iris was using the last of the ice on her forehead

Playing video games was Bob's favorite thing to do. but one day, something unexpected happened.

...when you say you 'love' me, do you mean like how you 'love' your snowmobile, or how you 'love' caribou hunting?"

We left Jerry being threatened by Zombie Newman and his Zombie friends,CrazyJoeDevola and TheSoupNazi.Seinfeld had a knife and now he's running away screaming on a cartoonish way.

"Hello, America!" shouted a mouse down the microphone. Of course, this being a mouse, it only came out as "Squeak-squeak, Squeeaak!". The President looked baffled. Was this

"You're so totally into body-mod! Let me touch your neck bolts again!" and then the head fell off. "Oops."

Capricorn - Co-workers might take advantage of you. Realize your potential and write in your journal about new directions and ambitions. You will meet a dog.

My sister died. Reading the text that I sent her. The text I sent her in a fit that she wouldn't support me about Garret. I regret it every day.