He opened the press and added the ink. Using

He opened the press and added the ink. Using her skin at the poster board was a sparkling little inspiration he'd gotten when she bent over to get the meatloaf out of the

oven and he realised that she was actually a human piece of cardboard. So he started sticking stuff to her. Tacks, papers, small animals..

and all kinds of scrapbooking mayhem. He took her to craft fairs, the hallmark factory, a timber mill and origami classes. She wouldn't bend through and remained stiff as a board

. She enrolled in a yoga class, thinking this might help. Within weeks, she was bending over backwards to do her crafts. Her friends started calling her Bendy Wendy. Her boyfriend

,in the beginning, was really turned on, I mean, cmon, the Kama Sutra had nothing compared to her. But then one day, she got so bendy that it made him sick just watching. Her head

peaked out from her legs which were tied into a gordian knot with her arms ... and somewhere in there was his best part. How did it go? The rabbit comes out of the hole, goes round

the tree, gets distracted by a carrot and some nice chervil so he forgets where the hole is...and..." Aw geez. I was just no good with innuendo. I did a Google search, typing in

"innuendo - how to" but came up with nothing. I went to the cupboard, found a pack of my husband's cheese balls, popped a couple in my mouth & sucked reflectively. Innuendo eluded

some milk and cream (milk's essentially colorless blood, or white water if it's 1%) and guzzled each down. That was when my lactose intolerance kicked in to overdrive. BAAARRRFF!