Pro Tip: when drinking at work on a Friday

Pro Tip: when drinking at work on a Friday it's best to keep the lights low and turn on some jazzy music to distract people. Put out some pretzels and just subtly dance around.

But you can't let on that you're really dancing & drinking because then it'd be too obvious how GIDDY you are about it being FRIDAY, the END of the work week. Gently swaying at the

for 5 minutes at your desk is recommended. If it is a long weekend, gently opening and closing your drawer of hanging files repeatedly will also suffice. Office etiquette is part

and parcel of true passive aggressive training. Everything should be a statement but it should also be a question by the elevated pitch at the end of the statement.

This would create mass confusion in monarchies. Kings would send heralds to make decrees, but the decrees would be interpreted as questions. Kingdoms would crumble to little pieces

At this point in history, the Knight Errant Market Surveyor was born. Traveling from shire to hamlet, he would ask the peasants on a scale of 1 to 10 how they felt about gruel.

He would sit the peasant focus group around an iron pot of gruel & they would fight to the death to eat it. The Knight Errant Market Surveyor would write a list of the winner's emo

tions with illustrations.But the peasant focus groups had no effect 'til the winter of 1600 when a peasant said "Maybe we should rethink Bruno and that whole cosmic pluralism thing

The analyst looked again at the results and thought, "I had it figured out the entire time, they just wouldn't believe me." He sent a message to the media and walked quietly home.