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Pro Tip: when drinking at work on a Friday

  • Pro Tip: when drinking at work on a Friday it's best to keep the lights low and turn on some jazzy music to distract people. Put out some pretzels and just subtly dance around.

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  • But you can't let on that you're really dancing & drinking because then it'd be too obvious how GIDDY you are about it being FRIDAY, the END of the work week. Gently swaying at the

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  • for 5 minutes at your desk is recommended. If it is a long weekend, gently opening and closing your drawer of hanging files repeatedly will also suffice. Office etiquette is part

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  • and parcel of true passive aggressive training. Everything should be a statement but it should also be a question by the elevated pitch at the end of the statement.

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  • This would create mass confusion in monarchies. Kings would send heralds to make decrees, but the decrees would be interpreted as questions. Kingdoms would crumble to little pieces

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  • At this point in history, the Knight Errant Market Surveyor was born. Traveling from shire to hamlet, he would ask the peasants on a scale of 1 to 10 how they felt about gruel.

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  • He would sit the peasant focus group around an iron pot of gruel & they would fight to the death to eat it. The Knight Errant Market Surveyor would write a list of the winner's emo

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  • tions with illustrations.But the peasant focus groups had no effect 'til the winter of 1600 when a peasant said "Maybe we should rethink Bruno and that whole cosmic pluralism thing

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  • in favor of national unilateralism." And so, while the control group with the kings formed a new kingdom, the thrall and vassal focus groups built a thralldom and a vassal state.

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  • The analyst looked again at the results and thought, "I had it figured out the entire time, they just wouldn't believe me." He sent a message to the media and walked quietly home.

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