Finished Folds (41—60)
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6That's how I met your mom. You see, kids, my dog's charred bum made for the choicest rump steak ever. Me & the vet had it on our first date..& every anniversary since. Now tuck in!
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3. Even using a bullhorn, the police negotiator could barely be heard: "Sir, for not jumping I am authorized to offer you- A. a 2-for-the-price-of-1 vacation, B. a year's supply of
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3At dinner, Captain Walton turned to us:"Which of my illustrious passengers am I privileged to be dining with?" I coughed:"Actually, we're a pair of hobos you weirdly invited on-boa
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13stamps. The invitations were sent out & dog connoisseurs from the neighborhood arrived & fastened napkins to their necks. They all attributed Salazar's deliciousness to the sauce.
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5"See the man with 6 buttholes!" cried the circus barker. Thus began my great-grandpa's illustrious career, first with a fertilizer company, then as a drug mule able to smuggle huge
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3offset the damages I was assessed in the civil suit for my role in the New York Nuke incident, the TRUE details of which you can read in my book, assuming you weren't a New Yorker.
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3o panicked & dragged her to an emergency ultrasound. "I can't find the baby!" Dr. Goodfeel yelled: "Prep her for the OR!" When he cut her open there was a loud *pop* as her stomach
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2est hideout. They returned to the bank on Monday & robbed it for $500,000, but the manager convinced them to invest it in a "foolproof savings plan". "We'll be rich!" Moe enthused
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2them on top of her sleeping hubby. He began convulsing in his sleep, muttering: "Not my wife's cooking!!" She bristled with indignation; hadn't he always COMPLIMENTED her culinary
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4from the gun barrels of local Swiss militiamen. Luckily, their aim was off, having not fought anyone in ages. But their barrage of chocolate bars proved deadly. After eating 20, I
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5raised sticks. "OMG!" he screamed:"None of you was ever hugged!" He wrapped his arms round the closest snowman, but the warmth of his embrace melted it to a snowmidget! "Grr!" oop
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5to follow suit, so it was hard to be attentive to Josy while Dad sat at the head of the table in bra & panties. "Well, Josy," he asked heartily, "Wadaya think of us?" Josy coughed
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3don't get me started on his sack!" So that's how dear Pussy rekindled the fire in my folks' marriage, & they're now a throuple. Cat's got my tongue? Damn straight!
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3zero fashion sense!" "Great Scott, you need to stop judging me, Marty! Yeah I shrank the neighbors, but it was for science, & I was aiming for the wife's mouth." The tiny people st
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3"She's been shot!" the Hatter screamed to anyone who would listen down at Wonderland General's ER. The janitor finally lay Alice down on a bed & administered an IV of bourbon shots
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5I handed over all 3 bags, bleated a retreat, & spied from behind a fence as narcs surrounded the gang. 2 of the bags were ok, but the little boy down the lane was using, so HIS bag
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3human flesh & sell it as bully beef, but my dollar store can't afford the cadavers, so at worst you'll end up eating dog meat, which is anyways considered fine cuisine in certain
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4"LADIES AND GENTLE-MEN! THIS IS THE MAIN EVENT OF THE EE-VA-NING! IN THE BLUE CORNER WEIGHING 5 POUNDS & WITH A 2 FOOT WINGSPAN..THE JERSEY GIANT! IN THE RED CORNER LAYING..AN EGG?
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2lever. A wall sized screen flickered on & Jeff was shown a list of choices: "To order hummus, press 1. To summon a genie, press 2. To launch a missile at a random heavily populated
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6to help fabulously wealthy people find their long lost relatives:"Wait, how long since you last saw your daughter?" The matron sniffed:"16 years." "MOMMA! Don't you recognize me?!"