Finished Folds (281—300)
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5He played Chopin's Nocture in Eb Major to great applause from the crowd. Some, however, were displeased and threw rotten tomatoes and various herbs onto the stage in protest.
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2We didn't think that replacing the shutters on our house would open a portal to the nether realm.
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4Spock looked down on the human race and said, "They are highly illogical."
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3"Latin is a dead language," Maurice said. Lewis replied, "No, YOU'RE the dead language." Then he offered him a drink. Maurice, in his naivety, drank the liquid. He suffered and di
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3When my hamster started having philosophical discussions with me over dinner, I knew it was time to sell him to the neighbors next door.
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6I don't have a face.
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4r the dead. All the soldiers sat in a circle around the graveyard, singing Kumbaya and drinking tea, earl grey, hot. Captain Picard looked down from his ship and was pleased.
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6Bill: "I shot my own grandpa once." Ted: "Whoah. Like, how are you alive, dude?" Bill: "Huh?" Then Bill ceased to exist, because he had no ancestors. Ted felt lost without a frien
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2If hate was wood, I would split them in two. If hate was water, I would drown them. If hate was my mother, I would give birth to them three thousand times. I am Dirk. Fear me.
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6aiden my way out of them. You heard me right. Kraft don't stand a chance against the Iron Maiden. Velveeta's Liquid Gold has a leg up on them, anyway. Liquid GOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLDDD
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3the metropolitan area. My show was such a big hit that all the other labels got jealous. They sent hit squads to assassinate me, but my music was so fantastic that they couldn't pu
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4Little did Skipper know, Ginger and Scooby Doo were about to betray him. While he was sleeping in his aluminum hammock, the Udders, with information from Ginger and Scooby, capture
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5realize that he no longer belonged to himself. He was an asset of the State now. Everything he did was monitored and controlled by the Enlightened Higher Order. Fubar went to his r
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4so he decided it would be better to under-armpit it instead. This turned out to be a difficult process, and the facsimiles that were produced were ineffectual at best. So WariWei
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6as long as he can remember. Everyday, he comes home from work, watches old Star Trek reruns and eats popcorn from a bowl he never washes. "Don't worry, be happy!" he sings. But no
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6kind of coconuts that I wanted. I sighed in desperation and sought counsel from the Coconut Magistrate, Magistrate of All Coconuts. He wept when he saw me, for I was lost and afrai
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3frustration with his products. Chef Boyardee wrote me back, informing me that he didn't actually make the food. He had his slaves in China do most of the dirty work while he lounge
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3Tommy Timble the Timid got up and screamed. "What's that thing, Ms. Twombly!" "It's a fish, Tommy Timble! And it's going to EAT YOUR SOUL." Tommy Timble pulled out the Device and s
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9There was a section on the anatomy of inanimate household objects, but it didn't help her any. It looked, surprisingly, like this rug was going to keep on being inanimate.
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6for breakfast. Breakfast was a bit too optimistic, though. She preferred the term "prolonging my meaningless life so that I might continue to exist without purpose or direction."