Finished Folds (321—340)
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8He dragged me into a beat-up convertible and brought me to a Beach Boys concert. In South America. "What's metal about this?" I asked. "It grates on the ears," my dad responded.
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2and a eurypterid appeared, flashing its stinger in a menacing fashion. Quagmire was alarmed, but Deathwish was quite pleased for obvious reasons. And the whole band played a dirge.
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4I decided to take dance lessons from Ronnie's Dance, Trance, and Pants Studio, run by the great Ronnie himself. When I found out that Ronnie was working for the CIA, things got
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5What is that over there? No. Seriously. That thing is seriously creeping me out. It's like a box. NO WAIT. OH CRAP. IT'S COMING THIS WAY. SOMEONE STOP IT. AHHHHHHH!!
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2and declared to the crowd, "Finally, I found my wallet!" He proceeded to pull his wallet out of his pants pocket and show it to everyone. Not as exciting as King Kong, anyway.
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2to tell her she looks good in that dress," you really shouldn't listen to me. You might misapply my flawless wisdom and make me look like a fool. But I am not a fool. I am always r
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7Candy Crush Saga. Part II: The Revenge of Queen Frostine and Grandma Nutt. When we last left off, the CEO of a Fortune 500 company burned Candy Land to the ground.
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2You know, I never was the best at racing games. I knew that you weren't supposed to hit the little animated people walking across the street, but hey, that's what my mom thought
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4Or a failure, depending on your point of view. The Shadow Dorito Syndicate was at work in Seattle, stealing everyone's Doritos and making young children cry for their mothers.
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5In fact, it wasn't Barbara Bush at all. It was a walrus, dancing the dance of the Universe. Easily mistaken for a topless First Lady, but everyone makes mistakes.
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7on the edge of a wine glass. The mariachi band stopped playing. Even Little Joe McFiddleNuggets was silent. Everyone regarded the chipped tooth with solemn reverence.
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5Father Joe Handsy was the town snitch. Legends say that he was there the night everyone was born. Just standing there, watching. Usually, he was singing some strange variant of
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3some problems. Being abstract, she couldn't actually walk under ladders or break mirrors. She didn't actually exist, really. And when one doesn't exist, immortality becomes hard...
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5But I didn't know how to romp, and I definitely didn't have a purpose, so I asked Aiden to teach me. Aiden told me he would as long as I promised I wouldn't skimp on the $40.
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3would be swift. Using various social engineering techniques he had learned at University, he managed to brown-nose his way into the party. Just kidding. He used lightning and stuff
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3session, but he was too lazy to do it. Instead, he decided to go towel surfing. He laid a towel out against the floor, jumped onto it, and slid down several flights of stairs.
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2My agent didn't have anything important to say. So I fired my agent, pointing him to Big Bob's Brown Boogie Burger Emporium. That's where all the rejects went, I supposed.
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3Lary shook his head in pity. "It's okay, Richard. You're gonna be okay. You've had too much beer. Get down from there and sit down. You're gonna kill yourself, you hear?"
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4I began to eat. She watched me as if she were interested. I cast sidelong glances at her. I felt quite uncomfortable when people watched me eat. Then she said,
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5We were all kids once, though some of us might be loath to admit it. And some of are still kids to this day--kids trapped in adult bodies that keep aging against our will.