Finished Folds (341—360)
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3session, but he was too lazy to do it. Instead, he decided to go towel surfing. He laid a towel out against the floor, jumped onto it, and slid down several flights of stairs.
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2My agent didn't have anything important to say. So I fired my agent, pointing him to Big Bob's Brown Boogie Burger Emporium. That's where all the rejects went, I supposed.
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3Lary shook his head in pity. "It's okay, Richard. You're gonna be okay. You've had too much beer. Get down from there and sit down. You're gonna kill yourself, you hear?"
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4I began to eat. She watched me as if she were interested. I cast sidelong glances at her. I felt quite uncomfortable when people watched me eat. Then she said,
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5We were all kids once, though some of us might be loath to admit it. And some of are still kids to this day--kids trapped in adult bodies that keep aging against our will.
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6I was utterly flummoxed. I looked at the man. He didn't have any branches. But he insisted that I ought to climb them. So, I did. And while I was trying, my boss walked in and told
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5Sometimes, I wonder if dogs are capable of rationale thought. Are they able to complete logical syllogism? Are they able to organize complex data structures? Then the car swerved
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2What was it? Was it something in the air? They couldn't be sure. Soon enough, one of them blinked and the other started laughing. But the laughter could not be heard. The music was
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2would settle down forever. I was always an outcast, searching for a home. My friends and family had rejected me. The sea--the wide, open sea--was my only friend. I was quite lonely
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6"I successfully killed over one hundred million people in the 1300s," Pestilence replied. "I've decided to name the disease the Black Death in your honor. What are friends for?"
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6to Candy Land. But never mind about that. The CEO had vowed to hire a task force of fifty trained airmen to drop incendiaries on Candy Land. "Ouch! That burns!" cried Mr. Mint.
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2and missing about 50% of them. I considered the fact that one cannot miss a shot they don't take. So, by not taking 100% of my shots, I would actually be more successful in life.
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4Mr. Frosty cast a sidelong glance at me. I think he knew what was going to happen next. He saw death incarnate pulling into his lane, and before he knew it, he had a fistful of
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3was like Communist Russia. Flower 1 and Flower 2's separate conclusions were irrelevant. The State got to decide who loved whom. And in this case, the State decreed that there coul
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3"That was scary," he said. "It was like I was looking into nothing. You want to know what was really creepy? I think that 'nothing' was looking straight back."
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4Wilson didn't respond. He was too busy watching Saturday Night Live on his new iPad. And besides, he didn't like deep, philosophical discussions about microwaves anyway.
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5by a Dutch waitress who didn't like golf balls at all. So she, being a kleptomaniac from the Netherlands, "acquired" the golf ball and threw it into a Dutch incinerator. It was hot
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2Apple Bloom wasn't impressed. B.F. Skinner was a skinny young man with a pair of cracked glasses and a protuberant nose. The kind of protuberant nose you might hit if you weren't c
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3Thing about bird badges is you can't earn them by sitting around on your butt all day watching Saturday morning cartoons. You have to go out and actually look at birds.
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3I mean, seriously. The federal government's food guidelines have already made one-third of the nation obese. It's only logical that we should continue letting them govern what we e