Finished Folds (721—740)
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4deceased husband's throat and yanked out a twelve pound croaker...it was all mucousy and foul-smelling. But the damn frog was still alive. It jumped from her hands and landed in
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2eggs were for chickens. But I wasn't chicken...I was fearless. Maybe I couldn't survive on frozen dinners, but I certainly could use them as weapons. I practiced my frisbee
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3the severed head of the former Bolivian soccer chief, Carlos Chavez. I didn't know if I should cry in delight or terror. I tried to shout out to the courier, but he had already
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2"Dad? Daddy? Is that you?" "I ain't your Daddy you dumb sum beech!" But he was sure that it was his Daddy, and to prove it, he unzipped his trousers, yanked down his shorts
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5catches his wife bouncing naked on a very large orange Pilate ball, and behind her, wearing Superman underwear...the milkman...
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1once firm silicon breasts now empty ankle-low leather flaps of weather-worn sagging flesh. Magic was about to be duped...her once firm buttocks was now just a bulging lump of
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2the world's supply of breakfast sausages. The entire southwest will be ours. The name Jimmy Dean will be synonymous with the greatest mass murder in American history.
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2"Jesus, Frank," I busted out laughing. What are you...like...six thousand pounds?" "Actually, I weigh six thousand and twelve pounds. But who's counting?" "Obviously you are
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4hash pizza for the contest, but it never got there because they ate it all and got high. Then they laughed their asses off at the thought of Mitt Romney becoming President.
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3snorted the bath salts and turned my rage on the choir's soprano, ripping her face off and eating it in front of the tenor. Of course, I didn't pass the audition, but I enjoyed
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1squeeze lemons. And when we squeeze lemons, we make lemonade. And then we stand on the street corner and sell the lemonade to old people, like grandma. We take the old broad's
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3Then the whole plan SHIFTed. She decided she wanted a do-over BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE. She wanted to ENTER into a physical relationship. Then she went HOME and waited.
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4recesses of my mind...voices screaming day and night...then a UFO hovered over Fido and Fifi, beaming them into a kennel inside the ship. The aliens were giant Siamese cats that
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1Perhaps they thought it was "cool," but more than likely they were just plain stupid. It just amazes me how dumb people continue to breed. Hillbillies with just enough money to
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0went blind. So, he learned to play the Kazoo and played on street corners for money. He raised enough money to have a corneal transplant, and he had enough money left over to buy
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2sued by the "real" Marvin Gaye, and then took the name Jean Valjean, and, once again, was sued. Finally, he changed his name to 24601...nobody sued. Then he moved to Honduras.
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1grabbed a ruler and beat that disgustingly purple dinosaur, Barney, all up and down his tail. Then she turned to Principal Barney and said, "You both have the same name!"
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5see if a potential date could handle Dave's Hot 'n Juicy 3/4 Lb. Triple with bacon. That would be the closest thing to experiencing intercourse with me without the tabasco sauce.
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1Lance smeared smegma butter across Jill's English muffin. Then he sat back and admired his work. Oh, how he loved the ladies from London. That, and a good game of football.
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0But the scientist was caught up in his own problems: would the radiation make his penis larger or smaller? And, will the New York Knicks move their franchise to North Korea?