Finished Folds (61—80)
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3She didn’t care about environmental issues, and she cared even less about California laws; The puppet head collection was her life, and her life was drowning off Santa Rosa Island.
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1why do you insist upon exposing your dumpling to spicy brown mustard? You can go bareback with yellow but before rubbing spicy brown on your dumpling, you need to put a hood on it
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4Thank God for modern Muppet makeup! In the old days, if Fozzie Bear’s gut drooped below his knees, or if Rowlf the Dog’s ears frayed, Jim Henson would toss them aside and create a
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3wallowing lifelessly in the elite lawyer’s blood for what seemed like hours but was only 7 seconds; unable to reiterate why she believed Aruba Yoda was her dad, she grinned wildly.
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3stoically matter of fact, which is why they called it America2; which is why Boingeaux refused to change his name to Bo, to cave-in to peer pressure. He wanted to live in intimacy
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2Dean-o bared his single-celled, shapeshifting, bayonet to Eleanor Dumont, Madame Mustache, who chuckled and rhetorically asked if she could tug on Tiny Tim, “Isn’t he adorable?”
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2Everyone Rose, except for Daisy & Holly. The room smelled more pleasant than a Baby’s Breath. I couldn’t help but smile at how much of a pansy my brother Basil turned out to be.
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2for Christmas. I told her she looked like Davy Crocket’s wife Lolita on their wedding night out on the O.K. Corral where they won the crochet dance club Hoochie Koochie Contest.
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2edge, and urinated on the orchestra pit filled to the gills with skinheads, just in time to hear the Runaway Five respond to an encore chant with a rendition of Suck Me Sideways.
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4& hold in place with drawing pins. Using a slipstick & protractor, cut the pie graph into equal slices before serving a piece to the first person displaying a pair of compasses.
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4donned our royal tutus & pirouetted ourselves through the halls of Parliament, bemoaning the atrocities of unsolicited robocalls & crossdressing marketing managers & Mollycoddlers.
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3for a slurping, gulping, belching mess that no bib could contain. Later that night, the kidnappers thought of letting her go because the heiress’s farting was profanely nauseating
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3the honeymoon suite to score some vitamin v; the bride lubed up for the marriage consummation. The MPs surrounded me, “Major Shitface?” “Not anymore,” I smiled, “The name is Stan!”
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4I went to this cool people party. I wanted to be fit-in cool. I wore 3-inch platform heeled boots, which made me 6 feet tall, but all the other men at the party were 8 feet tall,
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4He settled onto his beanbag & tuned to Masterpiece Theater. “Wench!” he demanded his soy brew. She came posthaste with a flagon of sulphuric acid, which she poured down his throat.
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2wave of a finger vibrator, he kicked in the villain’s Rock Candy windshield & fired his laser musket at the alien’s brisket, cooking it to a well done 205°Fahrenheit. What a feast!
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4Then, I went back to sleep, I guess. The whole thing is a blur to me now; I had dropped that tab of Strawberry Sunshine in the Summer of ’69, but I do enjoy the random flashback.
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4with humiliation when butchers plucked feathers off chickens & revealed them as fat and unsightly, but the chickens clucked proudly when it was shown they were both white and dark.
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1gadgets windup cluttering drawers & closets before being stuffed inside boxes and crates inside garages, until aliens find them and say, “Shee-it, these creatures is dumb as hell!”
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1where he became a connoisseur of well-endowed, unbecoming, alien women; in fact, after being released from Nebulon prison, he mourned returning to his Earth home of Booty-Ville, NJ