.. until the Pacific Princess dropped anchor nearby & Bob Barnacle was abducted by its crew. "You're not leaving this ship without falling in love," he was informed by the captain.

tism was the rule of the day and I couldn't find where the buck stopped. Surely if I was REAL and not a HOLOGRAM, I could find my own way to the Light of Reason and Meaning without

In the air, I stare, at folks who are naïve, and create rancor, and wounds of canker, for things I can’t conceive. Hatred is taught; devotion is bought. We believe what we believe.

From a hatbox, Sal “The barber” Capuzzi pulled out a Bailey Gentry fedora, a pair of shades, and a cherry Tootsie Pop and offered them to me, exclaiming, “Who loves you, Dr. Who?”

get tied in knots while ice skating on a slippery surface filled with salad dressing. If only there was more lettuce.

and the three dozen other voices in my head all went back to my place and slapped the chicken on the grill, but one of the voices suggested I should kill and pluck it first. Hmm...

do with a bauble easily worth $100,000? More pertinent to Fish & Wildlife officials was how I GOT the tusk. "Easy; my ex (who's now homeless somewhere) left it for me as a memento.

Staring at own his sleeping body, the man wondered if he'd wake up after so many hours, with his alarm clock still beeping loudly. Still, he couldn't force himself to wake up

himself down to play some poker with his pound buddies. Aunt Lu objected to her dog playing poker. She didn't like him smoking cigars and drinking whiskey either but she looked the

gimlet-eyed winks and pokes into our ribs with his filthy elbows. So what if Wanda-Sue and I were lisbons? RODney was prolly jist errantated cuzzen he weren't getting none and we

President Rabble-Rouser was in campaign mode; he went Don Rickles on his rivals; he captivated his base by performing a mix of Jerry Lewis and Norm Crosby: I emaciated the slaves.

Karen’s wanted to go to the prom in a hearse; she’d get her spooky Uncle Stanley to drive it. With ghoulish yelps and screams playing, we’d climb out of a coffin & steal the show.

The great white would have preferred to been swimming but he had to wade a bit to get some Chinese for dinner, he would. In the ocean it is almost always fish, fish, and more fish.

& wearing too much makeup. "Sorry fella, I got blinded by the glitter." She almost pretended to be offended. I'd caught him up to no good often enough. This was a different ploy.

The last time I saw him he was flying away with the Air Wing. That was 1979. I heard through the grapevine that he had moved out to the Pacific North West. He bagged more trophies.

Oh, my brother, Scott Randolf, has run away to the Foreign Legion de Planet to take the blame for a crime that never happened. Of course, right now, I don't know that. I find out

I hope The Last Remake of Beau Geste is not the last remake of Beau Geste. Where's that movie or TV show? How did the brothers find each other? Nothing happened? There's a show.

I remember Potter Stewarting her in her Ginzberg.. Then getting Trumped in my Scalia. WTF!! Who invited the Executive Branch? I looked around for some more Sotomayor. They had all

verage 3 times a day, which explains why he turned his back on a vicious dog after having equated his fingers to one of the dog's favorite foods. The dog now saw 10 sausages just w

I tossed trash into the dumpster, which annoyed an irate raccoon; fuming mad at me for disrupting his scavenger hunt and fuming mad he couldn’t escape his jockstrap straitjacket.