&caught the delicate scent of chartreuse. The pain morphed into pleasure as the thing sucked plasma from my pores, replaced by something of a similar consistency, but metallic.

Ouch. [alligator bites off legs][crawls through the sewer after it, screaming bloody murder][happens upon an entire underground city of mutant who extend invitation to gater BBQ]

Even so, I have never been able to get a human to accept my marriage proposal, and believe me, I have asked every one I have seen with my raging primate eyes. So I fly over their

My long-suffering wife, who knew she'd never be able to mention this on the divorce papers. The alien grinned at me, fetid copro-chunks falling from its jaws as its pointed tail

I can't say much of anything since they took my voice away. I've tried using my fingers but they can aspirate most of the sounds. They'd be good if I had spoken T'Kung or Swahili,

In days of old, I declare, when people wore no underwear, nor did they bathe more than once a week, of musk and vetiver they did reek. Yet, still they were fine, most of the time.

My Grandfather always said,"Я трахаю твою мать, потому что она шлюха!" Unfortunately, I don't speak Russian. Nevertheless, I took his words to heart and let them guide my life.

into somebody's bathroom. The wall, actually. Ouch! I looked around to see WTF. The grave had become the medicine cabinet. Aha, the source of the razor blades. Somebody was coming.

kept away in droves and wisely that was. Still, one could say that Marty flourished being homeless and dressed like a Regency rake. His concern with waffle batters, though, wasn't

The kitchen learned not to send the pretty ones as food bearers as they quickly ended up without a head. They now only send out the frumps. Who cry because they lose either way.

Wedding night." He did, but he missed his old wife. He decided to dig up cadavers with similar features to his ex, and use his new cadaver as a shrine/doll of the corpse he missed.

,????➡️⛺, ????‍????‍????‍???? ???? ????‼️, ????????⚔ ????‍????‍????‍???? ????, ????????, ????????!!, ????☠,????????????, ????????, ????‍???? ????, ????‍????‍????‍???? ????????

A flock of geese flew west toward the setting sun, like an arrow of startling white giving Terry hope and piercing though her gloom. The doctor she called to treat her dying Father

You want feedback? You'd better get back- 'cause I'm about to hit you in the nutsack. You'd better quit sounding like such a wisecrack. I don't holdback. And always counterattack.

like a naughty child. Luckily, I realized spiders hate high-pitched noises, so I thought about the most blood-curdling screams imaginable and the telepathic spider's head exploded.

When there is no more room in toilet, the shit will walk the earth.

I am the blog-father; I explore the information superhighway for money-making prospects and free shit. So far, I haven’t unearthed anything to blog home about, but I’m looking.

He sighed. "I guess this explains why the jobcentre used to put all the freaks in the same one hour time slot and lock the doors." The mutant bat with horns mused.

Alien gods who appeared to me as heads in the sky in some kind of bizarre homage to the Lion King. They told me Jesus was a polymorph sent to suck out peoples sins so it could

I was plagued the day I was born, cursed upon by a spitting gypsy, and doomed to a life of being the runner-up at everything. No matter how hard I tried, I always finished second.