-d the odd stale circus peanut and bury them all over the park, then quickly forget where, and just dig frantically everywhere. When spring arrived, my bushy tail had fully grown

PA: Failure to Comply (booked & released); CA: Driving a Stolen Vehicle (booked & released); MO: Possession of Marijuana (Fined $300); VA: Parole Violation (5 days in County Jail).

severe indigestion. Entering the restroom, I ducked to take a glance beneath the line of stalls. "Thank goodness," I thought. I was alone. Clenching my churning bowels....

I exited the turnpike and wound up stuck at 2 AM in a deserted Ohio town. I sat in front of the sheriff’s office, tweaking the GPS, spotting a statue of a rat in a police uniform.

Bob assumed he was the most handsome man in the land; still, all the women avoided him—the way a driver avoided a pothole. Then, one day, upon noticing his image in a car bumper.

desire to eat grasshoppers, 3) 4 g or less (about the weight of a grasshopper), 4) green, 5) a consummate jumping insect. The DECE T diet was a cinch, even crickets were allowed.

Before DogBot could react, it got a faceful of eye laser from CatBot, and not the Lasik kind. DogBot executed his final trick by playing dead, then, was dead. CatBot emerged suprem

Rage eminating from the poor Queens unloved mammories was starting to send signals to the ancient alien Nork race who unbeknownst to her and the King began to jump into the braship

Amazing that the constant eaters of the shit sandwich actually invented religions based around the idea of "less bread now means more shit later." Jesus Crust gathered his

It was a gloomy, balmy Halloween night, and Izzy, light of my funeral pyre, sole source of my every masturbatory desire, was at my side, breeze whipping up her panty-less skirt.

like Heracles or Samson? How about we classify Mercury as the Mustard of the Planets. Those who die were not worthy of the Mustard. Millions would die culling the herd humanity was

"Did somebody say my name," said Mr. Rosenthal. He looked like Claude Raines. "Oh, the Marriage In Purgatory Clause." He said after we explained our issue. "Here it is." He held a

This time he is going to do it. This time he will succeed in killing himself. With grim determination he unwraps the top Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar from the pile of 200 on the table.

about how my Texas sized toe got that way. I'm going with the fallen engine block. It makes walking a State Matter. I have been given a Monitor to watch where my toe goes. Her name

Tell you what. I'll paint my nose green and maybe we can fool your other plant friends that I am one of them. Then maybe they will accept our ...er... arrangement. I could even put

Like I done told Nate. You can't milk a stone lest you bare your pate. How now brown cow, Flow. The 1st was Love but I heard Desire, that is a different fire, that we never expire.

you don't even know you're already dead. Have been for at least a week." Squeaky readied her syringe as she walked over. "Darkness is really a psychological state. Open wide." We

It is like. What if people had to live up to their names? Dudley Doright could never make a left turn. Everything he did was a dud. Rescuing those 9 orphans bored us all. My name

Isn't it odd that a woman named Harley Quinn turned bad and became a harlequin? I wonder if my name had been Caped Crusader if I might have seen the Holy Land? Maybe not holy for

The mutilated body I had become gave me moments to take a look at where I was and where I stood. The answer for both was nothing. Good. They wouldn't see me coming. One of my legs