"What?" he said, "I can't hear you over the vacuum cleaner." "This place is a pigsty! I'm taking my vacuum and going back to Mom," I answered, before unplugging the machine. What I

Crabwell - the Pince of Cornwall - to create the world’s first crab dressing race. Unfortunately Shelly Crabwell, the Pincess, refused to have her pretty pincers seen undressed.

ken and dying. I stepped over you, heedlessly. You mewled and looked up at me with wide, bloodshot eyes. I picked you up and cuddled your furred tentacles. You reached for me

ouble cheeseburgers and chips. The didn't need a phone; their shouting was so piercing. So angry, they sounded, which is odd for a simple UberEats order. He listened closely...

At any moment, anyone of us can suddenly become the main story in somebody else's story. Like when that woman t boned my rental on Queen Anne in Seattle. It wasn't the children tha

The drive over, I meant. Not the driveway. That would be cruel but mostly pathetic. No, on meant on the way home while you listened to Tori Amos being Tori. Amos, not Spelling. One

Einstein Brother's Security Response Team (EBSRT). They fond both burglars. Both with a dozen stolen bagels. How is that even possible? Who doesn't eat at least one on the drive?

veenping machine to full blast. The others all dropped their weapons trying to cover their ears against the torrent of cacophonous bi-audial theta mimicking a threat to their nads

Consider this a precautionary tale of how it might be if you do not act to forestall it. Let us check in with Wilhelm Punch. It is 2022 and he hasn't seen his VA representative in

up the espresso machine to bits just cuz her drink arrived cold, & was roundly applauded. He wondered if they were saluting her moxie or her figure in a nightie. A bikinied barista

Eric, age two, waddled over to his mother and pointed at his diaper. "I pee pee." Eric's mother Donna sighed, walked over to him, and carried him to the changing table. Potty train

self ask. She walked over to him, smirking. "Quite the opposite," the woman purred while adjusting his tie, "you were a patient of mine. I know who you really are, MISTER Acula!"

Don't give me that look. Guts is guts. There is no gentile way of saying it. "You could have said offal. Offal would be more gentile." I was glad to see that his time at the univer

need to tame it. Do you have an eggplant like that?" I looked at her wishing so hard that she was talking about my raging manhood because I definitely had the Bruggah she needed.

around his pointing device & melted together from the heat. If he thought the universe was doing this on purpose he might have flipped the it a finger. Instead he slipped it in the

Which in the Rubble resident meant that Betty had to get his rocks off for him. Barney could be hard when he had to be. Which was until Bam Bam was born. But sometimes needed Betty

Just in case other pinheads wanted to do the same he patented the idea of replacing the pins with spinning drill bits. He also funded some of his own competition. Had it coming in

a bunch of hanged golf resort workers. A burst of shotgun fire rang out in the setting sun. It sounded like Bertha and her kids had found another alien brood hiding in the garage.

I asked the Australian Exchange Student who we called Ax if her bum had ever steered her wrong. "I don't steer with my bum. I steer with my clear vision and sharp brain." I didn't

It was in an alien script. It also looked like yellow smiley face. "Now you know our secret professor." The boy fought his chains to see who was talking & to whom. There was nobody