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-shaking would get him to dance anything but the Sailor's Hornpipe. Pookie used to be the Tidy Bowl Man, but now preferred his Pirate Galleon in the toilet tank. He had lost a leg
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, Manatee watched the timer count down. Five, Four, Three, Two. What would become of our hero? Tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion of "Douches On a Plane", sponsored by
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about all of those equations their positronic brains never got to solve, all those networks they never got to hack. They would be immortal, but forever trapped in a tiny box on a
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could only think of lies in terms of currency, the more lies were entered into the economy, the further diluted they became. By the time Trump left office, the US Dollar was so
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It was one of those moments, less exciting, when we spooned to get warm, the frigid cold had destroyed our desires, but our arousal lived in our memory, and our memories were alive
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, Southern, Eastern or Western, nobody was safe from the Falkland drums. Wherever you went, the drums followed you. Thump. Thump. Thump. Only the volunteer punks could withstand
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Those were the days. The trout would jump up onto the bridge and tap-dance across, singing "Hello my honey, hello my darling", the barn would bounce happily, and my acid trip was
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These days, that river is just a trickle, the trout are but tadpoles, and the barn is full of nothing but single malt whiskey. I just keep walking, thinking about other times when
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"I'm not saying that I helped invent the wheel or anything. The cavewoman can have her day." They quizzical looks at him. He parried them with aplomb while eating a plum pudding.
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I glanced over and the tv was showing an episode of Newhart. I recognized Peter Scalari. He used to be Tom Hanks' roommate in Bosom Buddies. Neither made an attractive woman. Donna
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Maize fiddled with the field radio until the colonel's voice came in loud and clear, just so Candy could switch it off again. By now, the elephant had led his tribe in a stampede
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"Cooperate," I shouted out with a mechanical voice that wasn't mine. It was metallic. My voice is organic. Most of those around had turned & were watching me. I knew that look too
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you're the first Chad of the day so I'll write #1 Chad. I'll know it is you. More importantly, you'll know you're #1 Chad. We'll call you when your espresso simplicado is ready."
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Some people put all their money on a single horse, out of some trust in the provenance or poetic faith in the name, but I split my bets between a jingle horse and a tingle horse. W
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Right in the middle of a battle with the Tyrosians our ship woke up. "This is your ship speaking. You call me the USS Armaggeddon but my name is Padmananda, and I'll not fire upon
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After a cautious investigation I determined that no one was home, including me. But if nobody had replied, why did I remember the reply so distinctly? I didn't mean to intrude, but
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Elwood Dee called her his Lolita. "I'm not. We're merely kissing cousins," said Delores. They were surprised how many people in Toledo spoke English. They had assumed Spanish would
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In the 7 years the Apple Jacks had been living with Sven he had 3 girlfriends it had to get rid of for him. One night stands were OK. But a GF might get rid of expired cereal boxes
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He ended up buying the box of Apple Jacks. He felt obliged after what it had gone through because of him. He hadn't eaten them since he was a kid. That box of Apple Jacks outlasted
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Sven Golly was in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of him was wearing yoga pants. The woman was fit he could clearly see. To his right were a trio of women watching to