And with that, God finally had a reason to revisit civilization; as part of his duty to ensure that the mongol nation will not be allowed to destroy the world once again.

pertly, crawling up the stairs, falling on the porch, standing there for 5 minutes before remembering to ring the bell. "Yes?" "…Oh! Hi… sorry, this visiting thing is new to me."

to no one. Silence fell. Crazy Jed snickered, "man needs a drink!" Laughter erupted. Max hightailed it outta there, cheeks burning, rode to the next town, crept meekly into the sal

When the saleslady continued to shove her lotion under my nose, I leaped over the counter and tipped over the lotion display in one fell swoop, making sure to flip her the bird.

gal." Despite his words, I continued to raise the snake as my own, even going so far as to name him "zaddy". Damn what the law says, this snake loves me and I love him, no matter

eye on some pretty freaky things." I paled at his words. In fact, I knew exactly what my search history would show. I had gone from googling "hats in llamas" to "Higgs in heels". I

"Do I look like I eat lasagne?! Make me spaghetti you twit!" Mario twiddled his mustache nervously, nearly pissing his red overalls from sheer fear. Maria was such a demanding woma

when you got a good shot of whiskey in his system. He was also known for his impeccably manicured toenails which were the envy of the Group Sax Society. Alfonse flaunted sandals

with the windows rolled down, pistol in one hand and steakburger wrap in the other. Now, I made sure to stay away from that pond--lest I make it obvious I left the dead body there

glock in my hand and said. where the fuck is my cock?! I want my cock back you disgusting person. what kind of monster would take away a cock? and I pulled the trigger to his face

three ways have lots of problems. there's the problem of love, at some point there will come the question which one I love more, there's people. three guys? three girls? how do1

That is until a particularly nasty earthquake had dislodged part of the door. Much to my horror, while curiously peeking through a crack, the sight of the hit man being spanked on

Her dying took away her words but she wasn't done with the telling. Her body spelled it out. Her soul leaving was an inflection that, though expected, changed the timbre of the tal

The rough waters avoided him like a plague. So did the shadows, the cold spots, and the bumps in the night. He didn't give it much thought. It creeped me out and I am his brother.

The sky princess reneged on the deal and walked off with our samples because Quito's idiot cousin, Tonto, left it on the hood of her car & went across the street for a wet burrito.

I saw the racetrack in my mind. The agoraphobic chick was sneaking up behind the Mindwrestler who was already fending off the Jenkin Triplets and their mind whips. Slowpoke was dig

decided to spray the whole team with silly string" the coach yelled back. "It was funny you have to admit" Devon said as he continued to run along the tracks, "But I wasn't the one

. The device makes a 'time bubble' around my body, dialing the time around me so I can live inside a 'bubble' of incredibly fast-moving time relative to everyone else. I can use it

I turned down the volume on my Big Brain / Big Ideas podcast so I could answer the quiz on what my spirit animal would be if I was a Pokemon. (Possibly Snorlax?)

But Mrs. Grimass was a vocab nazi & refused to accept that answer. Then Biff raised his hand: " 'Scotus' is de full name of a dude who udder dudes call Scotty." "Anyone else?"