By the time I felt them let go, and I was able to pull my head from the toilet, I realized I'd been given a "Swirly". The boy's room seemed empty, but a spindly voice arose from

orange drifted from one of the magic branches, and hovered over the sergeant's head. "You shall be next in command," it announced, much to the shock of Company Epsilon. "Get that

Apology accepted. Trust is broken when people expect others to shoulder their burdens, including the burden of expected apologies. But being an empath, I know that healing needs to

-sing claims, the fools. Out the coal shoot he went, cackling at his cleverness. His suit was ruined, but now he was free. All he had to do was to sneak back to his apartment and

-erior version of myself. Good thing I'm all ready dead, but what will they say at my funeral? Let's listen in, shall we? "He was so great until after he died," moaned Doris Day.

-ter, but hated the actor playing the role. This made them feel a bit better about killing the character off. After the season finale, the hate mail came in like a tornado. Loyal

It’s always the quiet ones who sit up all night plotting extortion, abduction, & murder. The rest of us meander through life in a coma, drifting aimlessly toward our ultimate end.

and this year it was my year. We had identical tea rooms in our places that we had agreed to maintain no matter how much we let everything else go, and I'd failed for my turn. She

a course for the Crutch and Mandible, our favorite English pub, and made good time across the choppy seas. Our friends said, "Hah! Don't you two look like blood spools of thread!"

, iridium, jasmine, kajrazam, etc. I'm not sure Professor Stillbright had the right idea. Maybe he did in his day. What good is a witch's brew in this world of muck and clutter?

The Nautilus idled in the depths and Nemo felt himself wasting away in so many ways. "These people are doing this to themselves. Who am I to sunder their cargo ships or play chords

Of course I felt sorry for Mom and her people and the species embarrassments that must have troubled them. So that night in the desert diner I picked up the tab even though I was

essentially killed young Andrei with your handshake!" The defendant replied, "Your honor, I'll admit I'm a psychovore who admires young men's hands, but Andrei's hands were not so

I wish I had thought to go into the counseling profession, but that would have been unethical. "So, in our last session you mentioned people like you cover the waterfront -- what

Huh. Nuthatch Sanitarium. I didn't like being wheeled around so I got out of my chair and asked the desk nurse: "Do I really need to be here? I haven't killed the people who Baker-

I explained I sought the leisurely, creative high of yesteryear. "OK, Boomer. Try this." The first toke fried my cannabis receptors in 10 seconds. Is it any wonder, officer, that

m's underwear drawer. As he left, I went to snatch them out, but my mom happened by, just as my hand disappeared into the drawer. "Someone put Amazing Stories in there," I tried to

Call me anything but Stupid. I thought I had found TRUE love for the 14th time, but just like the earlier thirteen, this one fizzled out like a box of moist firework sparklers.

Captain Skippy required the woman with the pumpkin tattoo to swab the deck, but, instead of succumbing to his demand’s, she dove off the yacht and into the dumpster sitting nearby.

Sinners on Friday the thirteenth of October. The bride, Ethel (nee) Slappass, wore a gown made of pure filth, and her groom, Edward Punchweenie, wore his heart on his sleeve. The